OUt with the old In with the new...

my goodness... How could it be the last day of the year already? This year, and i think i always say this, but this year in particular went crazy fast! SO today i sat back and thought about what a year it has been. It could be discribed no other than a rollercoaster ride. This year has been particularily tough, but i guess that means that 2009 has to be filled with Good... right? Please i hope so. So i would like to say that i can't wait to see what 2009 will bring. Through 2008 i tried to stay so optomistic, but sometime it was so hard! At times it felt like the second something good happened, something terrible had to happen right after. But NO MORE!!!!! 2009 will be a great year. And with that i am doing my list of resolutions/not resolutions. they are in no particular order.

--I will work on not sweating the small stuff
--I will read 2 stupid girly books for every 1 self help/ business/ or any other so called important "must read books"
--I will try to stop looking up my ex's via facebook or google. (please note i said try not wont)
-- I will not make cupcakes for douche bags like the Indian Giver ever again. ( and no i still have not gotten paid)
-- I will try to staop talking about cupcakes when i see my friends/family's eyes glaze over in bordom
--I will try to limit my shopping addiction... i want, no need, to buy a house
--I will try not to let celebrity breakups effect my every day being

I am sure that there are more, but that is all i have for now.

WTF!!!!

Ok so I am going to start by saying that this is crazy... I might be crazy, but i swear this happened and i am freaked out! Ok so i was sleeping last night, and was awakened by something weird. Ok, bare with me... so i heard, and saw my door swing open, and heard human foot steps kind of loud coming towards my bed. When i tried to sit up and look, i felt a "presence" and it was pushing down on my shoulders so i could not sit up... OMFG!!!!!!!!! I think that my house is haunted! Really this scared to poop out of me. Now i have been feeling a little under the weather, so the lack of oxygen going to my brain because of the sinus infection may have something to do with it, but i swear this was real... how creepy!!! great! just what i need is to be assaulted by a ghost!

Do the Holiday Hustle

Oh My!! it has been such a busy couple of weeks, this is the first time that i have even had the time to sit and blog. I do have to admit that i would rather be busy, than sitting there staring at the wall, but all this business has given me a little cold. Boo hoo..

So i am so excited to announce that i have had a FABULOUS week at Miss Cupcake. starting the 14 to this past Saturday i had to make 20 dozen cupcakes and deliver them! Whoo... it was fun. I did some of the best flavors i cant even tell you. Ok i can so i will. I made Choc Peppermint Ganache, Spiced Buttermilk, Brandy Alexander, Hot Choc, Cranberry Champagne, Pear Champagne, Red Velvet, German Choc, and Vanilla i think that is all. I had to make just a few... right!

In the midst of that as well i had 4 Holiday parties. Oh they were so much fun! I would have to say, i went to one of the parties that i made the biggest order of cupcakes for and i felt like i was a celebrity. I LOVED it! It was like out of a movie, when i walked in the room started buzzing with talk of Miss Cupcake. Te he he FABULOUS!!!!!

Oh and i can't forget the rest of the evening at Victors. Formally known as Victims... There is nothing like seeing grown men in Bad holiday sweaters and green velvet stretch pants. No lie. It was so funny i could not even make something up like that. the pictures are crazy! Oh the fun of the holidays. I think when it is all over i will sleep for a week. And yes i am done with my holiday shopping.

"Jimmy" Johns

So as i am sitting here at work enjoying the first bite of my freaky fast Turkey tom sandwich i can't help but think " Wow the sprouts in my sandwich taste the smell of semen" OK and it gets worse. So then that now has prompted me to google semen. You know what i found??? A video of how to make fake semen... that ladies and gentlemen may be my next party trick :-)

Oooh i can't wait for The Hills tomorrow night... It will be juicy, Speidi gets hitched. Barf

Crap Weather, Sexy Sights

Nothing like watching some sexy firemen shovel the sidewalk... MEOW! No need for hot coco on this cold winters day, I've got my firemen to keep me warm...

My Grandma The Stalker

Yes... im being stalked via cell phone by my grandma. Since 10 am she has called now 6 times... and counting. She left 2 messages... Wait! 7 times now. Ok now i am not ignoring her per say... The first 5 calls i did not know that it was her number. Now i know it's her and i just want to see how many times she will call, until she gets me. Sassy i know, but for a Monday i have to have some sort of entertainment. Im not trying to drive her mad, i just dont feel like talking on the phone with anyone at this time. I find it hard to believe that needing to know if me and my father are going to be in the gift exchange... Oh yes! i said my father and for those of you that understand the current situation, have to find that funny. I do! So yes, if you are wondering if i am going to call her back, yes i am, just not right now

The things i do when i am bored...

Oh I may have just taken myself to a whole new level of oddness. So i have to fill you in on the whole story. Ok So, this guy came into the store yesterday to give me info about his credit card company and why we should switch. I will call him Visa. So visa is cute, and funny and ironic enough has my same sick sense of humor, in which i love. But anyways, so he came in and we were joking around and he was telling me about himself and the company and asked what i would look for in a processing company. I told him that obviously i want lower rates, and at noon everyday i want him to walk past the store window naked in a trench coat and boots! Normal right :-) I know i know im bad but i could not help i! S later we got to talking about how he was on Missed connections. Some guy saw him at Aala Reed and wrote and posted a message to him on Craigs List and was hoping to contact him... oh it was soo funny, seeing as he is not gay. So... i think that you might know where this is going so yes. after his second time in the store on the same day, i played a funny on him. I posted a missed connection... Mwahhhhh.... i still laugh... So i wrote. Naked under your trench coat... meow. I can't wait until you come by in  your trench coat and boots and nothing... else. I will be waiting in the window with a shot of brandy to warm you up.   ahhhhh i am not be be left bored or things like this happen! So the anticipation of me checking my email was killing me... I opened my email this morning and he had emailed me! At first the message was all business, then at the end, he said that he had checked Craigs List, and the he just about fell off his chair!!! Oh thank god he thought it was funny! Which it was but some people could have found that creepy. And to make it even better i got an email response form some random person saying that they would love to come flash me in the window!!!!! Ha ha ha good thing i did not put the store name in the post! Oh what an enjoyable morning! And i will make sure to keep current on Visa...

Oh Deer...

what have i gotten myself into. I was just asked out for a glass of wine by a man. A man with ALOT of baggage. He was a mutual friend turned client turn, separated from wife, turned trying to ask me out for wine. I said yes.... Oh gosh. it just slipped out he sounded so sad he said he would just like someone to talk to. Ugh! This screams Lifetime made for TV movie. oh geez. I'm not afraid to go to get a glass of wine with him, I'm just nervous that he thinks it would be a date... He wanted to go out Friday or Sat night.. i told him i was busy, he said he would call me later in the week to set up a time. What is a girl to do... i want to be nice and let him vent if he wants, but nothing else... And now i feel like i can't back out, because i may just be assuming too much... TO BE CONTINUED

Missed Opportunity...

Boo!!! I possibly could have just realized that i missed my opportunity to make it big... I can't believe it! So while checking my Facebook page this morning i found this new little section called updates... now i don't think that this so called updates does that great of a job, seeing as the update was from September. Ok Ok so, the update was that i could have applied to be an Official Hill's Blogger!!!!! OMFG!!!!!! How could i have missed that?!?! Seriously. I could just kick myself!! So i have a plan... I am going to email the person in charge and barge my way into season 5 blogging. Watch me! I will keep you posted. So in loo of this hiccup on my path to stardom, i will for sure be blogging about THE HILLS from now on on Monday nights or Tuesdays. Ahhh i love it.

so To recap, i Think that Lo had a super cute shirt on last night, the Blue on with the collar, Spencer's Flesh colored beard still drives me nuts, Don't you think he should have a shaved for his Nana, and 2 he should have cut down on saying Nana every other word. and 3. Who does he think he is fooling with this i call Nana everyday... Nana must have a wad of money stashed away and he wants to get his hands on it. But i do have to say that i was impressed that Speidi called into the after show. Nice work. And Lauren and Audrina.. dear god. Audrina Hello!!!! Just seriously let Justin Bobby go, and realize that he is driving you into a mad white woman.

PS. The Smoker called. He wanted to invite me over to his house on Friday for festivities... Still undecided if i will show. I might be washing my hair that night...

Vote Vote Vote!

TIME TO VOOOOOOTE for Iron Cupcake Cranberry! There looks to be quite a few tasty looking treats... The cupcakes i entered as i told you earlier in the week is a Sparkling Cranberry Champagne cupcake... Oh it is soo yummy! trust me! So please Please is you do nothing else today, please take the time to vote for me (Miss Hollywood's World) On The Milwaukee Cupcake Queen blog
Click here to link right on over for voting fun! http://www.mkecupcakequeen.blogspot.com/
To cast your vote Click the cupcaker you want to win on the Right side of the blog page. Thank you !!!! Sorry about the lame link... i still don't get the pretty word disguised Link... Oh and you can Goto my pevious IC cranberry post for my info on my cupcake, and the great prizes that are to be won!

Things I am thankful for

Today is Thanks giving and i would like to reflect on the things that i am thankful for. Not trying to be too sentimental, but if there is a good day to do it, this is the bet day of them all so i begin my list.



#1 My amazing friends whom always know to make me laugh, let me cry, and know when to pour a cocktail.

#2 i am thankful for my health...

#3 i am thankful for my Job

#4 i am thankful for cupcakes and shoes

#5 I am thankful for gossip magazine that keep m attention

#6 i am thankful for The Hills, and all other shows that i "have to" watch.

#7 I am thankful for all of you out there that read my blog... you make me feel so special!

#8 and last but certainly i am thankful for my family... I love them even when they make it very hard to, but i love them.

*oh yeah and im thankful for Spandex-cotton blend fabrics for days like this that i eat too much and my pants need a little extra room!



SO happy thanksgiving to all of you! Have a wonderful day!

Missed Connections

OMG!!! How could i have NEVER known of this beautifully entertaining Item on the world wide web?????? Missed Connections on Craig's list. Dear god it is so entertaining it is like crack... I have heard about this now a couple of times, but never thought to check it out. Well now... i can't stop! So you go to Craig's list (make sure your in Milwaukee) and g to missed connections. The pages upon pages will make you laugh, and go awwwww, and some just make you crawl because they are CREEPY. But all in all it is pure entertainment and i consider it my duty to share this clean, free source of entertainment with you. Now as i was paging through i could not help but wonder " what would it be like to be looking through these and then find one that is directed to you?" Oh my can you imagine???? How would you feel? WHAM... Nov 1st It reads JESSICA RABBIT... Ahhhhhhhhh i was Jessica Rabbit!!!! Holy shit! My heart stopped!!! i got sudden panic...So i read on. (this is word for word... i copy and pasted it) Jessica Rabbit --I saw you at riptide halloween night. I wanted to say something to you, but never got around to it and then my friends decided to move on to another bar. Maybe if I had been around just a few minutes more, I would have gotten out the words.

Omg!!! then i realized i was never at Riptide. wa wa waaaaaaaa... So no it was not me this man was looking for but did kinda get a feeling of what it would be like for someone to post a missed connection about me. or should i say Jessica Rabbit.

I just had to go there :-)

Yes this pic is so creepy and intriguing that i had to post and talk about it. I was looking up gluten free foods... no i am not switching my diet, i just want to fill my brain with more useless knowledge. So anyways, this picture was on the website. Te he he it is so gross. Just one big bowl of wieners, i mean sausages. Which makes me think of a sausage fest, which brings me laughingly to the fact that i have recently taken up a new social game.. trolling for sausages (by that i mean men) at the Metro Market. On purpose might i add! Lol... wow i even make myself blush by admitting that i am trolling for men at the supermarket... The funny thing about it is that i don't even want to be in a relationship, but i just cant stop! I try to drive past, but i always end up in the store, doing the side glance at the guy picking out apples next to me... Oh god i know i know laugh away! I laugh myself, but it has become my new hobby. Fun hobby might i add! You can always find a hot man at the grocery store. And... i have found my own little ways of for sure knowing if they are single, gay, married, etc. You can always tell by what is in the basket. For instance, fine wine, cheese, carr's crackers... gay, Weird miscellaneous stuff like hot dogs, cakes mix, pasta, canned tuna... Married. And oh last but not least. The single man, frozen pizza, corn dogs, chips, beer, and Men's Health mag (note: it is always the slightly chubby single guy with this mag), and the occasional can of denty moore beef stew. Yes ladies it is with keen eye that i have gathered this info. I don't think i need an intervention just yet, but i am on the phone with you, and i am at the grocery store for over 1 hour, and i only needed to pick up garlic bread, you may want to come join me... that means it is a good day for trolling!

Ps: if the hot guy in the blue baseball cap that was in the store on Sunday night, picking out milk is reading this, call me..

Dinner guest

I had a dinner guest last night. A man. A cute man. A cute sick (as in having a cold type sick) man. A cute hungry man that ate my chicken soup. It was nice having a guy over for a change. We talked, ate soup, and cupcakes and then i sent him home with more soup and some cupcakes. End of story :-)

Iron Cupcake Cranberry

Ohhh its so good... My latest edition the the cupcake arsenal Sparkling Cranberry Vanilla Champagne Cupcake, with a butter cream frosting. Yummy. Lets hope this one brings home the gold. The cranberries are slightly sweetened, and when you bite into it the champagne dances on your tongue. This is sure to be a Holiday party hit! For me champagne is instant happiness. This cupcake is a party all in its own! My cupcake is being entered in the Iron cupcake challenge online, so i need all of my supporters (you) to vote for me! I have the chance to win some really great prizes. A cupcake queen doll by Lolipop workshop, a cupcake piture by Cookie Sunshine, The most ridiculously cute apron from Sweet Cuppin cakes Bakery and Cupcakery supply, and lst but not least an official picture from Cakespy... i woul love to get my hands on one of those! I will let you know as soon as voting is underway. And you thought your duty to vote was over after Nov 4th...

ITs getting to be that time...

I love the holidays. I love the decorating, the overeating until i have to make myself puke so i can fall asleep, because if i don't i fear suffocating myself with my own stomach.... Oh and the family... Oh yes the family! I cant even tell you how entertaining it is for me to find out just how dysfunctional families can be. Now i do have the right to laugh about it because my family if FAR from normal. But what brought this post on is this... Now is the count down to when i see my family. So now is the time that they are calling my and texting me and trying to see how our part of the family is doing... Now to you, this may seem nice and sweet and normal, but to me, i know better. No, no no, they are digging up dirt to use on one another and trying to get the "award" of who has stayed in touch and knows what is going on with us (me) most "award". Ahhhh it is so entertaining. Oh and the best is the question of so... any men in your life? ALWAYS, Always does me being single have to be a topic of holiday conversation. I can hear it now. " Well why are you single?" "Your such a catch"... ok... so really if i knew why i was single do you think i would be single? HELLO! No i wouldn't. oh but my fave one is this.. " oh be glad your single i have to pick up your uncle's underwear because he is so lazy, he doesn't do anything, let me tell you men are useless, all they do is eat, shit, and watch tv.." Yes intriguing! i know... they ask me why i am single and tell me that there is someone out there, then in the same breath bitch to high heaven about their other half, and tell me why i should stay single.. Thanks but I do a great job of staying single on my own, i need no help in that department. And BTW i really am a-ok with being single during the holidays i have my eggnog and dog to keep me warm... Bring on the brandy!

Just to make you jealous...

I slept in until 10:30, baked Cranberry Champagne Cupcakes with butter cream frosting, and got the premiere issue of the New Food Network Magazine ( it is fabulous!). Today is a VERY good day...

Just say no

So... after a few convos and some unsolicited advice i have hung the thought of making a go at it with the smoker back on the wall... When i took my feelings out of it, and looked at the interaction between the two of us from someone Else's view, it was so easy to see that it would never work. Now Not saying that i was ready to truly take the plunge to see if we could possibly try dating again, or even knowing for sure if it was an option, i think that i am ready to give it up. We are better off as friends. It is so easy to fall back on something that was once comfortable, but it not what i should have to settle for... Now please if i try to venture down this road again remind me of this smart day that i am having...

What are these people thinking????

Having much free time at work these days, i have resorted to surfing for Sweet Kicks Shoe store related web material, as a good Manager should :-) But anyways, it brought me to the Shepherd Express Best Of Milwaukee 2008... Oh lord... who are the people that vote for the best of???? They are off their rockers!!! The Best shoes store was listed as Mr Shoe... he he he i cant even be mad because it is so funny to me. Now yes he does sell shoes... but really??? the best in Milwaukee. Come on people you cant be serious. Yes sure, if you are looking for stripper shoes and pleather, this is your place. But i find it funny that the runners up were DSW and Goldi's... ahhh comical for me today! The best part about this whole article is not even the shoe part... it is everything else that was voted best. They voted McDonalds as having the best fries... did a 5 year old fill out the ballots. But this is the kicker...The best wing place was BW3's WTF!!!!!! Not even close. Now as most of you know i am a freak about wings... and BW3's is good if you are in a bind with no other wing place to stuff your face, BUT THEY ARE NOT MILWAUKEE'S BEST. Milwaukee's best wings are as follows... #1 Barnacle Buds #2 Palomino #3 Points East and 4th runner up... Elsa's Nowhere in there is there room for BW3's. Now please don't take this as i am a sore loser that my store did not win... not NOT at all, it is just the funny fact that Pizza man was voted for the best wine selection... personally i would have picked one of the 5 wine bars we have here in town for the category, but hey that's just me...

enough is enough

So in loo of not being able to change things i am throwing up the white flag. I have been in a constant mental battle this week and i have decided to give up and get over it. I would like to apologize to (you know who you are) for stressing out and possibly ruining that fun you might be having. So i say screw it. If you cant beat em join em. I will dress pretty, put a smile on my face, and raise my cocktail and toast... after all this is all supposed to be fun right? Fyi diet starts now... this dress is snug

Have you ever....

Have you ever wanted to vent about something so bad that it is eating you up inside, but know that if you do it would be bad... really bad? That is how i feel right now, or all day. Yeah oh i want to talk but i can't. Its almost worth driving far far away, stopping in a po' dunk town in a creepy old bar where old men are sitting and playing cards, and buy a round of $1.50 tap beers and talking until my heart is content... Yeah that sounds good. At least it might escape that reality of when i went to the bathroom this morning and almost drank out of the cup that my grandmas dentures were in....

Just imagine...

... the most annoying person in your office. Now multiply that by 4 and add a power trip and what do you get??? My shoe store clientele today. I think i might just go home and cry. ugh i dont know what was in the air today but these people are killin me. A woman continued to ask me 4 more times if i could get her a certain boot, after telling her the company not just us but the company is out of stock. No Lie. this is after the lady that reminded me of Winona Judd came in. Now i dont personally know Winona but if i did this lady seem to be a lot like her. She was a 14 year old stuck in a 50 year olds body. her favorite word was LIKE. Like , like you know like, like, right like. AHHHHHHHH... Oh and to frost the cake, 2 of my shoe vender's lost my fall order. There has got to be a happy ending to this day or i might lose it. And by losing it i mean you can find me at the end of a bar enjoying a martini ignoring everyone and everything around me. I was happy just laying in bed this morning... i never should have got up. Martini here i come

my latest obsession..

I CANT stop thinking about this outfit from last nights episode of THE HILLS. It was the White t-shirt with the high-waisted black skirt. AHHH! i want it.... if only my boobs were smaller, so the shirt would look normal and that i didnt look so top heavy that people would think im about to tip over... love love love LC oh and Lindsay Price aka Victory ford.... i cant even stand it how much i love her style on lipstick jungle... FYI

Note: couldnt find a pic of laurens outfit... but i will

The irony...

I a few situations that i have recently stumbled upon, i found things a little shall i say ironic. Why is it that when people are in the wrong are they sooo adamant on proving they are right to the point of being just down right mean and rude? Really i am sure that you all have come across this a few times, and to me that is a few times to many. Take for example. So a woman came into the store yesterday and bought boots, and tights. Now she new she was going to buy the tights, so she slipped them on, not all the way but she was wearing them to try on boots and shoes. Well today i get a call that she is very dissatisfied with the fit of the tights and want to return them. GROSS!!!!!!! Ok as a women i think that buying tights is a gamble. They may fit, they may not... but in the end we know that you dont try to return them with flaky legs skin on them!!!! Oh yes!!! flaky leg skin, and she wants to return them. Now i explained to her our return policy and that it is unsanitary to resell tights that have been worn. Then she tells me that she did not wear them. WTF, lady i was there the whole time i was selling you shoes... you were wearing them!!! But she was adamant on returning them... no way Jose! So she insulted me by saying i have no authority to change policy so she wanted me to talk to the owners. Listen.... now i was pissed. Who tries to return tights....??? seriously. She can afford to just buy a bigger size.. that's all I'm saying. So I'm sure that i will be blessed with her presence yet again by the end of the day. Hooray for me. I'm sure i will be needing a cocktail upon her exit... People when you are wrong you are wrong... don't make someone Else's life hell because you are too scarred to admit something or don't want to apologize for being an ass! Ironic dont you think? Knowing your wrong but still having to prove you are "right"... hmmm

Justin Bobby?

I can't help but wonder lately if The Smoker is my Justin Bobby? I know i know, what did i get myself into now???? After having a drunken conversation with Sundance during election night the smoker has been on my mind... So i went out to dinner with him last night. We or should i say i had a great time, i have no idea of his thoughts on the evening. it was really nice. Din din was great but i kept feeling like he was not present, like his mind kept wondering. it was a little odd. I am so comfortable around him normally but it felt a little weird last night. Not that he was stand-offish, but he was a little distant. Hmmmm i am probably looking too far into this, but i have nothing else to do so i will. It was just kinda weird. Like he wanted me there, but did not really engaged. I stayed over, and no NOTHING HAPPENED. Absolutely NOTHING. NOTHING not even a little cuddle or anything. So weird... hmmm. Oh and Earlier this week we were texting back and forth and he asked me if i was going to come down to his condo in Florida when he goes down. First of all it was hard enough to nail down a night to go to dinner with him let alone assume that i am invited to join him in Florida. I dont understand him. ugh... its like he thinks i have espn... he he he i had to add that joke. But really, i cant read his mind, i dont know what he is thinking but to me it seems like he thinks i should. Sundance made a very great point... what is the point of putting myself through this craziness all the time with him. For god's sake... its been 2 years since we broke up and i am still being emotionally tortured by this animal! ok that is a little harsh :-) not tortured, What do i do???? is he my Justin Bobby? Is he bad for me and i just need to stop? Blah Blah Blah... This all started when he texted me that he had a baby and a baby mamma. Not funny. Not even close to being funny. but then again what should it matter to me what he does, we're not together. Right... he did say something last night that i just thought of now and i am not sure how to take it. he said that he thought it was funny that he said he was having a baby. i told him it was not and that i did not like it one bit, then we went on talking and he said something about that he "talks" to people. talking as in talking to the home depo guy or talking as in girls. Is something fishy going on here beside my dinner of catfish last night?

Im going to go ape shit in 2 seconds....

Ok so this has been an on-going irritation for a while now. We have a "window washer" come do our windows. I will call him Crackhead. So crackhead drives me absolutely nuts. He has these episodes where he just walks into the store yelling at me. Then the next time he is nice, then back to his yelling. Now i try to give him the benefit of the doubt by letting him do our windows, but really i can't even stand him anymore. I pay him $7.50 to do the windows. It should normally take about 10-15 min to do the windows. He started 25 min ago and is stopping to take a cigarette break...... WTF... he drives me mental... now he just lied to me...

oh, and GO vote

Whew... Its been a while!

Ok Ok ok ... It has been super crazy busy so her i am to do m recap and also to vent some serious findings.... It was recently my Birthday as you know. I had the BEST birthday ever!!! It was so fabulous and drama free! Thank you to all the ladies and gents who took the time out of their busy weeks to Hang out! PS... i LOVED all of my presents!

Ok so now that my birthday is over i am on the whole smart business woman band wagon... I will buy a house i will buy a house, i will buy a house... i find that if i keep repeating it to myself, it will help to keep me focused.... so now to the juicy... So i was found on Face book the other night by an old guy friend. Very fun! but now with this whole finding mutual friends... i may have gone too far. I looked up the Jewish Doctor... he is on facebook, but i am not sure if i should ask to be his friend or not... am i playing with fire? And the weird thing is is that it says that he is single, however i was told a while ago that he is with someone, oh yes that someone was the girl he started dating while i was dating him... ass... but what do you think should i? Is this a bad thing that i am looking up the ex files???

More to come very very soo about my birthday. Oh this felt good!

The new LBD

I can't even tell you how excited i am to wear my new LBD for my Birthday. It is the best dress EVER!!!!! It is the same dress that LC wore to the VMA's But black, hence LBD. I went to my fitting this morning, and surprisingly it went off without a hitch!!! Can you believe it?!? I am so happy! What do you think? Like it? Wahoo!!! Birthday here i come! Chicago boys.... look out!

Giddy School Girl

OK...So having been on my man diet, actually now i have been tip-toing on the edge of man fast, to my suprise i met a guy, well kinda... So there has been this guy that has stopped in at the store the last two days in a row. OMG!!! he is Hot! The weird thing is is that i know that i know him from somewhere. but where i o not know... ok but on to his butt. Oh it is so hot i think he may have caught me staring at it. When he came in yesterday, and i could NOT stop smiling an giggling. He could very well have thought that i was 10 years old. When he came in on Tuesday he stayed for a while to talk and cuddle with Poquita, which was super adorable. He was looking for boots, so i used him as my model and made his sweet ass try on about 8 pairs of shoes. Then he came in yesterday, he was with his Aunt. And he was wearing a t-shirt, and his arms looked really, really yummy. As he was leaving he said that he was not ready to buy the shoes yet, but he was going to come in very soon... hmmm i cant wait. but still wonder why he is so familiar...

Seems like forever...

Wow i feel like i have been gone for a month! I have lots to cathch up on. So lets start with the fact that my brithday month is under way. With my birthday coming up on the 16th i feel that it is about time for me to get the festivities rolling! I can smell the crab legs and Martinis already! Oh and i am very excited... i am having my birthday dress made! AHHHH it is going to be so Freaking cute!!! FYI if you want an idea of what it will look like it will be super similar to the dress that LC wore to the VMA'S but BLACK..... ooohhh Chicago men better watch out! Mama is on the prowel!.... rarrrrrrrrrrr!



Oh so i have to finally admit it but i missed the deadline to enter my Audition tape for The rachael Ray hey can you cook comp... BOO HISS! now that is with saying that i did not go down without a fight. I tried taping it... like 3 times. THen to make a long story short. i went to 2 places to get the video put on a dvd. well it Didnt happen. and time was running short to get it over-nighted to New York the best city on earth! So i choc this one up to it was just not ment to be...

Look at what i can win!

So along the side of my blog is a list of the prizes that i can win for the Iron Cupcake Earth competition. Check them out! What a great loot bag that would be to win. Also, if you like them for yourself, i being as computer savvy as i am, not!, you can click on the pictures and it will take you to the sponsors website! Oh and one that i did not add. Taste of Home, they have been around forever and still never let us down. Thanks Sponsors! So Please if you have not voted, please do so. You have until Thursday Oct 2nd at noon! If i win, i promise to host a cupcake party!!! all voters invited!

VOTE OR DIE!!!!

Thats right! to all my friends the polls are now open for you to vote for my cupcake creations in the IRON CUPCAKE EARTH online competition. I entered Two entries. The first is a Key Lime Basil Cupcake with Mereinge Frosting. Beautiful just beautiful... And tasty has a great lime flavore that is slighty calmed byt the sweet and savory basil. Yummy! And for you chocolate lovers i made a Chocolate Ganache Cupcake with a Marshmallow Basil cream filling. Need i really say more about that one??? It melts in your mouth. The cupcake is dense with chocolate goodness. Ladies... no man will ever make you feel as good as this cupcake does! Both of my creations are listed under my name...Miss Hollywood on the voting area. So Please!!! take the time to vote. And by that i mean vote for me! And tell all your friends!

You can vote at >>>>>>>>>> http://mkecupcakequeen.blogspot.com/<<<<<<<<<<<<<>

I get the chance to win a bunch of fabulous prizes! i will post those shortly!

EUREKA!!!!

Balls! I thought that i had until Friday at noon to put in my submission for Iron Cupcake earth, and i just checked and it is Tomorrow at noon... BALLS!!! I will be baking up a storm this evening. May the force be with me.

Thank you Susie Homemaker!

So i was wondering on Susie's blog the other day, ok really it was like a week ago, and i got my very first Blog award! Bless her sweet heart! I met her a few weeks back at the Iron Cupcake competition where she placed with her fantastic Calatrava cupcakes. OHHHH but the best part. As i was talking with her she told me that she makes these delightful cookie dough balls dipped in chocolate. OMG! If that is not the epitome of a female late night snake i dont know what is! She sells them via the world wide web. Please go check it out! Here is the link to Susie's balls... he he he (http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=14631654 )I think that cookie dough is the best snack! I often find my self making cookie batter, and eating it and never getting to the point of baking the stuff! I have often been warned that it could make me sick, but I can't help it... don't you judge me. That is my fat snack and i love it and i am proud! (Note: i have not been as smart as Susie to not add the eggs...) I think that they say you can get worms from that sort of thing. Sick... if i got worms that would suck, but im sure would offer much entertainment to my friends...

Why Not?!?!

Ok so after my needed rant this morning i have gotten A LOT done. So to bring you up to speed on things, i have Perfected the recipe for my IRON CUPCAKE EARTH entries. I am super excited to blog about them! I have to have all of my info and pictures submitted by Friday at noon so make sure you keep checking for the blog about all that. Also!!! he he he i filled out my Audition submission form for the Rachael Ray's Hey! Can you Cook Competition. I am excited! Now i know it sounds a little funny but why not?! Life is meant to be fun, and i want to have no regrets, so if that mean sending in a corny audition tape of myself cooking to one of my favorite celebs (Rachael Ray) then that is what i am going to do! For any of you reading i challenge you do do something that you have said that you should do but never even attempt it... why not?! So about that, I'm pretty sure that my chances are slim to none about getting picked, but i can say that i tried! And in my opinion i think that the Food Network could use a little of Miss Hollywood! Fabulous! oh how fun! And yes to embarrass myself even more i am contemplating posting my audition tape on my blog... And yes, if you ask me... i CAN cook

Patience is a virtue

My oh my have my patience have been tried today. It all started when i went to pick up a pair of shoes that have gotten fixed. They were not fixed. They were not even started. they were supposed to be done this past Friday. A call would have been much appreciated, seeing as that is why the guy took my number right? right? On to the next. A MAN driver decided that he wanted to be in my lane and swerve on in when... oh gee sorry my car was there! UGH! so then i had to slam on the brakes in hope that the semi behind me would be able to do the same so i did not get flattened all because the ass was not paying attention. Then... i got to the store. Now if you know me you know that i am very particular about things. Some people call it OCD, i call it, well i don't know but that is another day. So i get to the store and it looks a mess. There is a girl that moves everything when she is here. It drives me nuts! I try to stay calm about it but i am ready to tell her that when she gets the great idea to redecorate, to just let that feeling pass. Then i did the cash drawer and that was off. She worked for 5 hours and only had two sales. Now you can not tell me that she did not have time to count out. UGH! then the worst... She drank my sparkling water! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! there is nothing more irritating than when i go to eat or drink something that i bought just for me and it is gone! But a funny thing about it is she left a note on the empty can that said "whoever's this is i was really thirsty and tap water is gross." signed with a heart. Get the hell out of town with that stinking note!!! That is adding insult to injury! She is on the list... and you know what list i am talking about. We ALL have one of those lists. The only thing i wish of the world today is that please no more trying my patience... because i have none left. To all of you... please please have a great day!

I can see clearer now... the rain is gone

Ok so i think that i may now finally be out of my 2 day pity party. And no it was not that i did not do as well as i had hoped at Iron Cupcake. (note: i realize that i would have done better had i done a visually more appealing creation... Next time!) Oh and thanks to The cupcake queen for her words of encouragement.So anyways, It must have been hormonal, but i feel better.Maybe it may have something to do with the fact that it is ladies night and i am rearing for a Martini! Ah! i LOVE girls night out! There is nothing like a group of chatty girls cocktailing and talk about life. Ahhh... just the very thought of it brings a smile to my face.

Oh! ha ha yet another adventure... i think that i am going to enter myself into Rachael Ray's So you think you can Cook competition! Lol... oh my gosh i crack myself up, so what i have to do is record a video of myself in the kitchen, telling her how i can cook. Oh this will be fun. Now i think the real kicker in this is that on the past SYTYCC competitions, Michael Buble' (my husband) was a judge. Yeah thats right i am that lame to enter myself in a cooking contest, for the slightest hope that Michael, will be a judge. I think he would love me. He is single now in case you did not know that... That is my newest plan/adventure. hey i know i can bake, cook... yeah I'm not bad, so why the hell not? what else am i doing? There are 24 usable hours in every day!

Failure-Cakes

Bust. Yet again. Out of 10 cupcakes i did not place in the top five, so i figure that as my second cupcake failure. Oh well, i guess there is always next time. I now know what this Iron Cupcake is about. Next competition is Oct 6th. Theme- Cereal

Milwaukee Man-Cakes

I would Like for you all to meet my Newest cupcake, and Iron cupcake contender Milwaukee Man-Cakes. This sweet creation will be entered in this evenings Iron Cupcake Competition being held at Fratellos. Oh yeah this cupcake is 4 inches of fury. It is a German Chocolate sauerkraut cupcake with a Sweet beer cheese frosting. My little cupcake is ready to whoop some cupcake ass! Well... at least i hope it does! It was lots of fun coming up with the recipe and even more fun tasting it because it was actually a great treat! Now don't you wrinkle your nose at the sauerkraut thought. You can't even taste the flavor of the kraut, it is just there to make the cupcake super moist. I am VERY excited to enter it. How fun! I can't believe that i am going to be in a cupcake competition. LOL... My life is such a strange journey. OK i will keep you posted on how i do in the competition. May the force be with me!!!!

Paris Hilton...EAT YOUR HEART OUT!!!!

I just could not resist!!! When i saw this wig at Target i HAD to get it for my little Princess Poquita! Omg it is so stinking cute on her i cant even stand it. She looks like such super model! If she had boobs, she would look like Dolly. Ha ha ha. I think that i might get her the blonde one as well. The only bad thing was that she got very embarrassed when i put it on her. I don't get it... how could she be so embarrassed with a long luscious hot pink wig on? weird. And i am happy to report that there is a mullet wig at Target as well that has Carpell's ( he is my cat) name written all over it! No Joke! Im almost positive that he is gay. Yes, i have a gay cat... Gays live for this type of dress up drag entertainment, well at least my gays do...Now you tell me, who wouldn't want to have a wig for their cat that gives them a striking resemblance to Billy Ray Cyrus. :-) He is going to love it...

Cupcakes fix everything...except dead people

Wow, so as you know the INDIAN GIVER has yet to pay me for the cupcakes. So in true me style, i sent him a text today that read "so... were you ever going to pay me for the already eaten cupcakes that you so much enjoyed?" And you know what i get back?????? Let me tell you! " Yeah, i will be back in town Fri. it has been an F'ed up vacation. Sorry i have a lot on my mind" So i wrote back " Sorry that sucks" Then i get this " My car broke down and my uncle died" OMG!!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!! Now i cant decide who is a bigger asshole, him or me! My God! REALLY! Poor guys uncle died and I'm giving him lip about cupcakes... only me, only me. So i have tucked my tale between my legs and i am going to go bake off my sassyness. LOL wow, i hope i didn't sound heartless, which i might have... hmmm... gosh i hope not

fairy tale

So it was kind of a weird morning. And I'm sure like everyone else i did not want to get out of bed... But i did. I went to breakfast with a man friend. it was nice. i had pancakes. I love pancakes. Then i went to work, and when i checked my email i found this.


Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girls said: “NO!' And the girl lived happily ever-after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, traveled more, had many lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theater, never watched sports, never wore friggin' lacy lingerie that went up her butt, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants and was pleasant all the time. THE END

Now that made me smile... Whos knows, that may be how my life will be. Not too shabby :-) Oh and the only thing the story left out was a cupcake shop... it needs that too!

Long live the Queen!

OMG!!! I met the Milwaukee cupcake queen last night, and she is FABULOUS! When i walked in it was like we have been friends forever! I had such a blast with her. I am really glad to know there is someone in town here that shares my same love for cupcakes. And according to her and my research, this cupcake thing is Crazy huge! Love it! So we met at Fratellos. The Queen and i shared the Peanut Butter cup cupcake and tiramisu. I would have to say, i was not completely impressed by the cupcake (sorry chef x), but the tiramisu was delicious. She is a fiesty littl vixin... all of you ladies will love her! So, i will be competing in the local iron cupcake competition as well. It is Monday Sept 15th. This will be a blast. You have to come! friends are the Judges!!! How could you not want to go... cupcakes and booze. Hello!!! i have already started my brain storming on what i am going to bake. I cant tell you my ideas, but i will tell you that the theme for this bake-off is Milwaukee themed. What do you think of when you think Milwaukee..... hmmm. Like i said i do have a few ideas, but i would love to hear what any of you think about when you hear Milwaukee. (Please note: i will NOT do a Bradford beach theme cupcake. if i did it would have to be the flavor of poop, and i don't do poop flavor.) So please feel free to shoot my some ideas, preferably not gross ones. thanks!

Oh and what i going on this weekend? Anything fun? any Par-tays? i feel so out of the loop since i have embarked on this wild cupcake adventure. I also have to say that i think we are past do for male strippers, drunken debauchery, and public urination... In the words of the Bride... who wants to go find our lost shaker of salt?

Before my vary eyes...

I know that all of you will laugh a this but it was pure horror for me. So my sweet grandpa and grandma are in town. Now let me set it up for you my gramps has dementia. He is not himself, and since it has set on, he has taken up the craziest and sometime grossest actions ever. Such as chewing food but then spitting it out... icky. But i get it. Hes old. i let him do his thing. However when i was much younger i do remember him "farmer blowing" his nose before we went into the local Target. Oh god that was so embarrassing. just blowing a uge wad of snot out of his nose. I remember thinking to myself, my god where did all that mucus come from... So anyways back to today. Now he LOVES to go out on car rides. Yes car rides, where you just drive around with no destination in mind you just drive. Well that drives me nuts... i love point A to point B and getting there as fast as i can. So because i do love my gramps, i took him on a car ride. So it took me about 20 mins to get him off the chair and in motion to go out to the car. So as he is on his way around to the passenger side of the car i hear a loud as hell sucking nose sound then a ridiculously loud "wacktoooo" My dear gramps spit a huge loogie in the garage. Now this normally would not have been a huge deal, ACCEPT!!!!!! it just so happens that on that side of the garage are all of the open boxes of MY SHOES!!! Dear lord i thought i was going to have a heart attack! He loogied into my shoes!!!!! Stop laughing it is not funny it is horrific. I cant believe that that really happened. Only my luck

I think im obsessed..

Ok i know i am at this point. I know that i have many addictions, but this is the sweetest one of all. I may have a problem. lately all i can think about is these damn cupcakes! i even had a dream about them. Everywhere i look there are cupcake things. So i was on the Tiffany's website, and i may have mentioned this before but they have a cupcake charm that i MUST HAVE!!! it is the sweetest thing ever. Ok so i have also been in contact with the Cupcake queen all morning. I will be meeting her officially either tonight or tomorrow night. We will be meeting over cupcakes and cocktails at Fratellos. I am very excited! it will be fun talking with someone who also has such a love for cupcakes. Ok stop rolling your eyes! i get it! I'm a freak! But hey you won't be complaining when i do more cupcake tastings! So i think that i may be in the up-coming Iron Cupcake. I have to find out what the special ingredient will be. I have already started to write my recipe for the Iron Cupcake earth, which is done via blog. I will let you know when i post my sweet concoction so you can vote for your favorite cupcake creator... BTW that is me if you did not get that settle hint *wink wink* So the iron cupcake earth seem pretty cool. The ingredient for the online competition is basil... I LOVE LOVE LOVE basil. i have some great ideas, but if you have any thoughts please pass them my way... For now my concoction will remain a secret until it has been posted... But like i said please be ready for some taste testing!

FYI if this all seems a little weird, it is but i realized that i really am going to do all that i can to get this cupcake thing going. I wont let the Harley Fest flop get me down dammit!

Re-group

So today has been all about trying to get things back to normal. It still amazes me that Holiday weekends really screw everything up. I like my schedule, i know my schedule. Well OK maybe that is a lie. i don't know my schedule. My cell broke this past weekend. I have my whole life on the damn thing and now it is all gone... I still have not had time to go to the store and see what is going on with it. So if i was supposed to call any of you i apologize... i don't know your number. What else, oh i am taking the scoot home today. Oh it will be great to take a nice long scoot ride. I LOVE the scoot, you know its no Harley, but for now it will do. Oh! SATC movie comes out on the 23rd.... is anyone else thinking what i am??? Theme Party!!!! Oh and we can do trivia night! I can't believe that i have not gotten to play that yet... your all going down! Well what else... oh yes. i am meeting with The Cupcake Queen this week. She emailed me and wants to chat! How fun! She is going to tell me all about Iron Cupcake. hmmm i think that is it for now.

WAIT!!!!! Update: it is confirmed that the Indian giver is a total douche bag. He has yet to pay me for the cake and cupcakes that i made him for his god forsaken birthday.... Bastard

My cupcakes bring all the boys to the yard...

Well, i would be lying if i said that my cupcake adventure was a success. Sales were terrible. I had anticipated that they were going to be a huge seller, but i was wrong. Upset? yes! I spent a ton of money getting this thing going, and time and lost sleep, and hopfully no friendships... But i think that now that i have had some time to think about what happened, the only thing i regret is buying soooooooo many ingredients. Any one need flour of powdered sugar? i have 200 lbs of each of them left...It has been a tough couple of weeks working up to this, as I'm sure you know in loo of my disappearance. So this is a long one just so i Can get you to speed on what has been going on. So Thursday night i was baking till 11:30 at night. Then i was back at Mimmas at 9 am the next morning to bake more. Oh forgot to tell you on Thursday night i totally fell on my ass in the kitchen and cupcake batter was everywhere on me. The funny part, was it was red velvet and when it was all over me it looked like i was in a horror movie and had been stabbed, like i was bleeding all over. Needless to say i think that it was my comic relief moment. I was crying i was laughing so hard. It was so nice to laugh at myself at that moment... i was so stressed. Ok so then i "sold" cupcakes (note i use the term sold very lightly) Thursday until 11:30. Back to it Friday morn at 9am. took a short break to go on a Harley ride with State farm, that's what we will call him, ( i will fill you in on him so enough) then back to selling. I was there until o geez 2:30 am. That was a fun night! Special thanks to sprint who grew a very large pair of balloon boobs and was the life of the party! Girl you can sling some cupcakes, and have tons of fun doing it... if i open up shop, I'm coming to you to be my sales chica! oh and i was paid to smash cupcakes in peoples faces! Long story... then back "selling" again at about 4 on sat. It was crazy. I really thought that i had a great idea doing this... . Its not that i don't want to not go on with the cupcake thing, i just thought they would have sold better. YUP! Add yet anther notch to the board of my latest failures. I wont give up. I will promise mself that much. I understand that this is gong to be hard work. I did have tons of people take cards... as of now they have not contated me, but i will keep my fingers crossed. Oh! i met the Milwaukee Cupcake queen. she asked if i was interested in doing iron cupcake... i will have to get more info, I'm not sure what it all entails or what the hell it is. So for now i am at home with my leftover 200 cupcakes and my stack of receipts... boy, i really am trying to find the good in all of this i really am, but i am EXHAUSTED. It was a good learning experience, i just need to figure it out from here.

Indian giver...

So get this. The Indian comes to get his cupcakes today, and says "oh thanks I"ll cut you a check on Friday" WTF I'm not an invoicing company. Boy when you come get your cakes you pay up! Girls this guy is so lame. I am so done i can't even tell you. What a turd! But he did love the cake. Hmmm... maybe this is a sign?

Karma

Wow, so i think that i might be evil. And i am pretty sure that when you read this you may think the same that i find such pleasure in this :-) Ok so Remember the Indian. ok well i cracked and talked to him when he asked me to make him cupcakes for his birthday in which he would pay me. I agreed. The cake is awesome it is a Cake in the shape of a cupcake with a Harley Davidson theme. So i worked my ass off on this cake and cupcakes. Devils food with buttercream frosting and the cupcakes are filled with marshmallow cream. yummy. So, i was on my way down to work and texted him to let him know he can come pick it up. I get a response that he will try but might not be able to. Pissed! So i asked why. Well ladies and gentlemen. he was in the hospital for food poisoning.... he he he he. Ok i know that laughing and grinning ear to ear for a good 20 minutes is mean but seriously. After that text message what do you expect me to do? baby him? HELL NO! So i reassured him that i did not poison his cupcakes.Silly little Indian... that's what he gets for sending me that rotten text message last week.Karma is a bitch ain't it! Oh goodness. now my only thing is i busted my ass on this cake and what if he doesn't come get it and the cupcakes... Damn him!! But to be honest, i am not even made if he doesn't get the cake and cupcakes... the fact that the Karma came back to bite him in the ass is the sweetest revenge of all... :-)

What have i gotten myself into...

Dear lord. So i had the genius idea to open a cupcake shop, ass you know. Well also as you know i got the best jump start from a local restaurateur. Well That jump was given just a few Weeks back, leaving me barely anytime to prepare selling cupcakes for the Harley fest on Brady street. I am so over my head. I have no Idea what i am doing. If it weren't for the help i am getting from some very special life saving friends (you know who you are) i would be up shit creek with no paddle. :-) My mom always says that and it makes me laugh every time! So i am pluggin'away at this, and i am very excited don't get me wrong, but what if my hard work is not enough? What if people don't like the cupcakes? What if someone hates my cupcake and throws it in my face and calls me ugly and walks away. then what? See, these are the thoughts going through my head. My craziest thoughts come to mind as i am piling 50 Lbs bags of flour and sugar in my cart, as i think about where am i going to get 4 gallons of red food coloring at the same time. Oh god... really what have i gotten myself into. Well luckily i do have some things done. Well as done as i can take it. But i have my EFFING FABULOUS logo. OMG i love it! Thanks to the bride. (take a bow) BTW was i supposed to change that name or keep it? Please let me know. I have the name. and i have recipes to make your grandma squeal with joy. Well at least that's what my mom thinks. And good for me, she is an honest person and would tell me if my cupcake tasted like ass. So unless see was on a lying spree they are good. Well im sure there will be more blogs of freak outs this week. but that is all for meow.

Payback is a bitch...

OK so let me set this up for you leading to today's happenings. So, last week Patrick the fireman came over and asked if i would like to join him and the guys for dinner. I said that i would but wouldn't make it till later. So he comes back about 10 min later with a plate made up for me. it was super sweet of him, so i made a sign that said i heart pat, and put it in the window. he loved it. he was gloating like no other. So it was still up the next morning when Doug the fireman whom is single, and kinda cute and sweet came to work. Well from what i hear, Pat was bragging up a storm about this damn sign. When i came back to work the following day Doug did not come over to the store all day, which i found very weird. Normally the guys especially pat and Doug come across to talk. Well Doug finally made it over and told me that he was sad that i made that sign For Pat and not for him. So in true Ashley fashion i did not want him to be upset, so i made a I hear Doug sign. Well that did not go over well with Pat. I swear men are living soap operas! Which brings us to present day. So both Pat and Doug are working today and i hear all this commotion outside today moving the truck in and out, honking the horn and everything. So finally i go outside and i just bust out laughing. They put a big sign on the door of the fire house just for me.... How sweet... I must get them back, but how?

Can you believe this guy!?!?!?!?!?

Ok so, the last girls night out i had was a week back. i met this guy. We will call him the Indian. So the Indian has been stopping in by the store, a lot, calling texting the whole ball of wax. Now in general i would say that he is a nice guy. Am i attracted to him? No, is he funny? yes. he has asked me out to dinner and to go on the Harley and all but i have yet to take him up on his offer, and after today i for sure will not. So here is the deal he is kinda funny, but he is a true sales man. he constantly is cracking jokes, that he repeat a few times during the conversation just to make himself laugh yet again. Totally lame! the worst part is it is like pulling teeth for me to want to talk to him. So this morning he called, already. Good god he calls me like 3 times a day weather i pick up or not. Ok so this morning i was at breakfast and he called. i sent it to voice mail and texted him that i cant talk i was at breakfast and asked him if he needed anything. He responds with "oh i accidentally called you"... right... so just sitting here at work minding my own business i get a text from him... Brace yourselves... it read word for word

"You have the sex appeal of a school bus fire. You remind me of my ex's vagina, your fuckin useless, yet you still work"

Can you believe it??????? What an Idiot! Did he expect me to laugh and tell him how funny he is? Seriously! So i texted him back saying wow i never knew yo felt that way and told him that he is an asshole. :-) he texted back right away saying that it was joke and he was trying to get me to smile this morning. Well guess what asshole, i was smiling before i got that! he can add this situation to the list of reasons why he is single and always will be.

Get outta town with that message. Needless to say he just made it very easy for me to not feel bad about EVER wanting to talk to him again. PS Indian is not really my style. Oh and he just called and left a message. I really hope he doesn't try to stop in here today... ugh!

PS... the Smoker is back in action with texting me. again.

YEEEE--HAWWWWW

I'm back from Sturgis and rearing for a Harley. Or a man with one... I had a great time on my well deserved holiday in South Dakota. Who knew that i could have so much fun on a Ranch in the middle of nowhere?! I have brought home some new ideas and items that many would find amusing. First, During the 50 wedding anniversary that i was out there for, with my gay, there was a YUCCA jar... it is one single huge mason jar filled with alcoholic goodness... (Note: it will make an appearance at the next scheduled party) i believe that i may have taken down half the jar myself... the other half was polished off by my mom. Let me tell you folks, there is no bond like that of a mother and daughter drinking together! FYI normally i get massive hangovers from drinking like that, but i woke up in the morning like a champ... Bring on the YUCCA!!!! Next... i met the hottest effing biker ever. He is so not my normal type, but good god he rev ed my engine. He has a ridiculous sense of sexiness to him. Yummy. Pictures to follow...Next...i took on the roll of a cowgirl the whole time i was there. I think that i might have a slight addiction to sassy cowboy hats and short shorts now. I got a sassy little t-shirt from the rally as well. Now if you have not had the chance to go to a biker rally, let me tell you it is a riot!!! OK, well cant think of anything else for now, so until i think of more interesting little tidbits...

idiot

OK so maybe i am jinx-ing myself by complaining about this but here goes. I have not gotten hit on in awhile... well at least that i know of. (Note: getting hit on by the married firemen across the street does not count) So i am driving along the freeway minding my own business when some douche spots me. He starts to do the whole swerve speed up and slow down thing. Driving in front of me but facing back looking at me thing. Then he lowers all the windows and cranks the music. So i do what every self respecting creep ed out girl would do... i slow down hoping that he will; a. go away or 2 .get the point I'm not into his west Allis approach to hitting on me. Nope didn't work. he then proceeds to get around my car to the other side. he then starts screaming out the window at me... Now what the hell. does that really seem like a good approach? Seriously... what did he think i was going to do? fly a paper airplane into his car with my number? What and ass. Some men have no clue... it was the most pathetic attempt. ever.

But on a weired note, there was a Psychic in the store today. As i was ringing up her purchase she kept saying how sweet i was. (clearly she got me on a good day...) and she said that i was going to get married soon. But she told me not to do it within the next year, i have too much going on in the business world by opening a business and buying a house... hmmm has she been bugging my cell line? Whack-a-doodle!

Long time no blog...

Wow, it has been forever! Sorry to all of my blog fans i Have had one hell of a couple weeks. My recent weeks have been full of work, friendly fights and moving. God i am so happy to be done with moving. However i am starting to believe that the worst part is not the actual moving but the time when you get to your new place and can't find a thing. I swear that this last time was so going to be good at putting everything in the correct box, and know where it was. Wrong-O! i have been late for work that last 2 days to to my total incompetence of time management and not being able to put an outfit together because i don't know where my clothing is... Ugh. i hate it. And can you believe this i got an email from the new people moving into my place calling it a friendly reminder to cancel my cable. Well no shit Sherlock... of course i will cancel my cable. idiots. Well i might just be a tid bit bitter hence the whole retracting of wanting the paint colors. Thats right at the last minute they said that they no longer want the paint colors that i have which ironically they loved before. I had to paint back everything white. White. Very white. The completely white apartment has so much character now. I'm over it. I'm out, sooo glad to be out. Time to start a new adventure... Adios Becher st, hello WB

A few of my favorite things

Wack-A-Doodle. that is my new favorite word... Expect for me to use it ALOT! Sitting her drinking WINE (another fav) i have composed little list of my favorite things. Here goes...

1. The color PINK
2. Champagne
3. Boy talk
4. Hot men at the grocery store (god... i swear it was hottie day out at Metro Market today... good god i was so hot they needed a clean up in aisle 3 if you know what i mean...
5. Sex-ting (there is a blog soon to follow as to what sex-ting is if you do not know what it is)
6.Chicken wings

Now there are many more favorite things of mine, i just did not want a favorite thing overload for the first blog back in a while....

HIPPO! No Rhino!

There is nothing like the feeling of getting mail presents. And by mail presents i mean packages of things that i have ordered online. What a great invention. I LOVE ONLINE SHOPPING!!!! So in my latest online shopping mascaraed, i bought 2 wonderful things. 1. the SEX AND THE CITY GAME. 2 The Children's book HIPPO! NO RHINO! Now first i have to say that i can't wait to have a girls night and play a little SATC trivia. I am going to whoop your asses! (well, as long as i have the bride on my team..) Cosmos and some game action anyone??? And now the good stuff. Now being 24 i have read some Children's books. Now I am not trying to be biased about the book HIPPO! NO RHINO! because i happen to be friends with the author, But this book is fantastic! (side note: this whole book thing may be old news to some of you but new to me, so let me be excited) The illustrations are incredible. I love how there is not much text, it is to the point and wonderful. Truly i loved it. I am very impressed by the illustrations. I could NEVER do anything like that. The book really lets your mind wonder, which i love. I give the book 2 tits up! fantastic work of art! So if any of you have not yet bought the book Please do. I know that not only will kids love it if they have not read it, but you adults will like it too, after all, aren't we kids at heart...? So buy it up my friends. Support our friend the groom! ps. there are other books by our dear friend as well, but the titles escape me..

Hippo! No Rhino! by Jeff Newman

(note: i don't normally use people real names in my blog, but this time i had to for purchasing reasons.)

Hey groom! Will you autograph my copy?

Cross my fingers

1 am. As i sit here i cant help but think of my life the past few months. There has been a lot of negative, and i am just wondering when something good will happen. By no means am i sitting here having a pitty party, but i am thinking that Jesus, after all of my recent events when will i catch a break? But i must tell you i do have a bit of good news, i found my Coco Chanel perfume after being lost since last October! That's a good thing! But seriously it must be a blip in the slump radar. There must be something good about to happen... i hope. I think of my future good luck as i am icing my ridiculously swollen ankle from the scoot accident, in the apartment that i have officially rented out and need to vacate by august... something good has to happen. And please oh please i hope it is Gorge Clooney naked with a bow around his waist. A girl can dream can't she... maybe i need a balls out girls night. George Clooneys balls out night :-)

Random Weirdo...

CONTINUED... yes he is trying to play sexy stranger, and he is SO NOT SEXY. Good god why did i have to be so nice and talk to him. I walked myself right into quicksand. (BTW that was a fun board game to play when i was little). he is still claiming the "I was off by one number for the phone number and got you ploy" Dammit... now he wont stop I'm getting 20 questions on my email and cell. Oh dear god! Breaking news. he just sent a pic. LOL shit. he is officially the short, chubby, desperate guy. if i could i would put his pic on here, but i am not that techie. Dear lord, i need a game plan. I am not sending him a pic of me. that will only give him more jack-off material for this evening while he is in his childhood room at his parents house. I need a game plan.... how do i dump a man that i have never met? i look at the pic and instantly make the ewey face. that cant be good. I do understand that i have been a little too cooperative, but really how desperate do you have to be to stalk someone you don't even know??? Ahh never a dull moment in my life...

Random Weirdness

So in addition to the crazy scoot incident yesterday, i got a text message from a random number. Now this person was acting like they know who i am, when i have no clue who he is. In the text he said his name was Steve and that i was talking to him on his friend Kevins phone. I don't think that i know a Kevin. I could very well be that there is a big joke being played on me... who knows. The randomness of it is all too peculiar. I could have met him one drunken evening, but i don't give my number out... So last night i told him that i have no idea who he is. he then apologized and said that he likes text buddies. So i just went along with it. Still either way i dont really care. he kept asking me questions and asking if i had questions for him. he disclosed that he lives in Hales Corners, and that he works for a real estate development co. Blah blah blah i fell asleep, then he texted me again this morning. I thought that i could just get away with being nice for a night then would not be bothered in the morning. Oh so wrong. He texted me again saying good morning. then asked for my email. And the weird thing... he just asked me if i was curious at all to whom i was texting with.... creepy... i don't have any idea. I said that yes i was curious, but have not received a response. And how the hell does he have my number and i dont even know him... Does anybody know anything that i don't. If so please let me know. I'm just hoping that this guy is not some creepy bastard looking for his next kill... or the ex crazy, this is just weird.... TO BE CONTINUED

Crying over broken Tiffany's

To answer the immediate question you are going to ask, yes i am fine. I was in an accident with the road on my scooter today. The road won. I have a nasty case of road rash on the whole left side of my body, and am feeling more pain by the hour, but on a good note, i am still alive! Ouch i hurt. Some ass cut me off and slammed on his brakes, which made me slam onto the pavement. Little miss Poquita was in my bag but came out scratch free. Thank God! My Tiffany's bracelet broke and flew all over the road... but your damn right i tried to pick up every last bead. Damn i love that bracelet. The pink lady is scratched but no real damage. And in case you are wondering, no this will NOT stop me from scooting. However this situation did re-enforce why you should wear a helmet when on a Scoot or motorcycle. I cracked my head on the road, and have a killer headache. :-( And damn it i had a cute outfit on today that should be worn with heels, and i cant wear heels now for a while. what am i going to do? I must wear heels! Jesus I'm in pain... Lucky for me i am across from the firemans station. They ran over when they saw me pull up and bandaged me up. You can add this to the list of why im hot for firemen... Bless their hearts. I must make them some cupcakes. They are so sweet. I heart firemen

Shout out For Cubby's

I just had a Chubby's Buffalo Chicken Cheese steak for lunch. It was Fantastic! Super tasty. The delivery guy was really nice too. The only downside is that it was a bit sloppy. currently i have cheese steak in my hair, down my boobs, and all over my pants, but it was worth it! However, I'm not sure if i will be ordering them anymore. When i stood up to throw away the wrapper, all was good till i sat down again and i blew out the ass out of my pants. Shit. I am at work..... Apparently Chubby's is a literal meaning.... Clearly it goes straight to my ass.

Its a Girl!

I am sooo excited for you all to meet Betty Newman. She is so stinking cute i can barely stand it. She has the cute little puppy belly and soft puppy ears... oooooh i just could squeeze her till she pops! ( note to the bride and groom... i wont actually do it) She really looks like a little Betty. Now my props go out to the bride and groom for taking on this new adventure. There will be many sleepless nights and guilt trips ahead, but i know you will be fantastic parents. And as for Betty, ooooooo wait till she gets a hold of a really nice expensive pair of your shoes... oh she isn't so cute the day that happens. When my sweet little Poquita decided to take a pair of my shoes for her chew toy, ugh i was so pissed you could have seen the steam come from my ears like a cartoon character. Oh it will happen. Just you wait and see...

And yes if any of you are asking i have already been scolded by the groom about trying to buy Lil' Betty a nice new dress :-( I will have to spoil her in other ways... hmmmm

icky

My boobs keep sweating... They wont stop. It is so creepy. I hate that i am here at the Shoe store and i have stinky sweaty boobs. Gross. Gross

Dog Stealer!

First i have to say that i am really disgusted in the human race that they think it is OK to steal people dogs. OK here is the deal-io... I am at work. I am sure that i have told you about the lady that owns the store upstairs right? well if not she is a whack job!!!! She seriously is ridiculous. She has a rap sheet that is getting longer by the minute. Already on the list is public drunkenness, Indecent exposure,(by that i mean she wear these asinine outfits that a. doesn't keep her old lady flab in place. and 2. she thinks that it is OK to wear a wrap bra top and sheer see-through skirt out in public, which by the way even makes the firemen across the street cringe). let she where was i? Oh yes the rap sheet. She purposely grabbed her crotch in front of me saying that she "needs some meat right her" (barf) She calls Poquita TITA'S in this obnoxious baby voice. WTF My dog hates her, Poquita always runs from her! Oh and not to mention that i think she is a craig's list hooker. Yes i said it. A CRAIG'S LIST HOOKER. Oh and i have mild proof. She owns a clothing store that the cloths disintegrate in the sun. Men in BMWS, AUDIS, Mercedes stop and go up there. And they ain't leaving with shopping bags, so dont think for a second that they are "shopping for their wives". She is a complete nut job, which brings me to my whole reason for today's rant. SHE TRIED TO STEAL MY DOG!!!!!! This is the second time that my dog has been taken, but your damn right i wont let that shit happen. So Poquita was out in front of the store getting her morning sun minding her own business when the CH (craigslist hooker) opened her store. she was out in front trying to pick her up and kiss her ( note to self :give Poqutia a bath when i get home). She has yet another new employee there working for her that Poquita liked. So they are cooing over my little girl, then they went upstairs. i saw they left so i went back out in front and Poquita was gone. SUDDEN PANIC!!!!!! i called for her and looked back inside, not there. BING! light bulb! I went upstairs. there she was! Bitch tried to take my dog! She was like " oh! well she must have followed me up here." Liar! My dog hates her. Now i Hate her! All i can say is Karma.... Poquita is back safe in her cozy little bed in the window, but smells slightly of cheep perfume.

Thank You Jesus!

I found Carpell. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Can you even believe it??? I kept thinking that after i found Shoe, it must be a sign tat he is out there. So here's the story. I was driving past this abandoned house that is behind my building, and i saw a cat in the window. Instantly my heart was racing, and i knew it was Carpell. So he saw me, jumped down from the window and started to meow like crazy by the door. Needless to say i could not start my rescue just yet. I was already late to pick up, the Colombian Princess and her old man from the airport. So i raced to go get the, dropped them off and went back to the house with the help of Carpells favorite auntie Rocker Girl. Now let it be known that Rocker Girl is a life saver. she would have done anything to get him out of that house. So to make a long story short, it took 3 hours, with the help of 3 lesbians, 1 drunk gay guy, a random drunk hairy man, and 2 Police Sgts' to get Carpell out. The Sgts busted the door down with what they call "the key to the city" meaning a huge heavy metal push bar. I can't be more happy he is home safe, and on his way to getting back to normal. the poor little guy is completely malnourished. It is sad to see but he will get better by the day. The funny thing is Poquita is ignoring him, I think that she is a little peeved that she has to share the attention again. Welcome Home Carpell! And thank you to all of you that comforted me and stayed positive! That is my happy ending...

BTW

I am back on the man diet. There will be no-more soliciting of the fireman. :-( Sad but better. I just don't want to keep waisting my time on men who don't know what they want. Now having said that, i know what i want. Dirty Martini extra olives.

SoapBox

Please let it be known, that i no longer have tolerance for assholes. None. I have lived my life up until this point naive to the fact that if i stand up for myself or others that i will get nowhere. Wrong-o. Look out everyone! I will no longer let myself or my friends be talked to in a less than respectful manor. Now i do have to admit that i was not in a situation like this today, yet. But i am just so irritated when i have to hear that an asshole was unnecessarily rude to a friend of mine. it makes so so mad i could turn into the hulk(minus the bad cut off jeans). Example: our dear friend the bride has had quite the bought with assholes lately. First she has to deal with the douche-bag DJ for her wedding, and now co-workers. FYI bride, i hate them both. i need their names! There is no reason that people need to be so mean. I now hate those people. I am going to start to list the people on my blog that are mean by their actual name. That will show them! Then if i am eager enough i might just write them a letter. I got that master plan from my mom while growing up. She would be so mad about some things that she would yell " I'm going to write them a letter!" At which point i would laugh because verbally accosting someone in a letter is not nearly as effective as it is saying your thoughts to their face, or is it? Either way i hate that on a daily basis i or people i love and care about have to deal with truly toxic people! It sucks! If this situation happens to arise during your day today, please take the time to look in the mirror and say " I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it people like me!" SNL can always help shed a little light on a bad moment. Remember it can always be worse, you could be Brittany Spears or that lady in Kentucky that got her ass stuck to a toilet seat after sitting on it for 2 months.

Good Bye Shoe...

Shoe just ran-away. Dammit. I suck with cats.

I've got "the Jet lag"

First off i want you to know that i am glad to be home. Second, when i left Phoenix it was 106 degrees. Now as i look at the temp here in flood city it is 60. To me this translates into cold as shit. I want at least 75 degrees or i am leaving. Next issue. I am struggling with this time change. When i had to wake up at 6:30 this morning to be at work by 7, it was actually 4:30 Phoenix time. I'm tired, which brings me to this. So as i am working, just now. Literally just now this all happened, i was hearing a cat meow. Now, i was not sure if i was the only one to hear it, or if i was going crazy from jet lag. Well, as the meowing did not stop, i started to look around. I went straight to the basement door. Out popped a cat!!!! Can you believe it???? This is just crazy! I'm scared to open the door again. What if an elephant pops out? I don't keep peanuts on hand so it would get pretty hungry. Needless to say the cat is cute, and very friendly. I think it may be prego too. i have named her Shoe. She will keep me company today, but i am trying to help her find her way home by 7 tonight. I hope she sends out her little cat calls in the mean time to Carpell to tell him to come home to me. WAIT! Maybe i will open the basement door again to see what comes out. Now that i think of it. i am going to send out vibes to the universe that i want a tall dark and handsome man... very Weird Science of me. But let it be known that i will not open the basement door with my bra on my head, it would be like wearing a huge turban! And thankfully i don't have a brother named Chet.

White Party

Last night Poodle and i went to a White Party. Fun! But, yes there is always a but. The house was fabulous, huge white tents, a DJ, plenty of beverages, but. Now i don't know if any of you have been to Phoenix or lived her, but the people are VERY different from that in the Mid-West. I could not have paid people money to have wanted to talk to us, or even say HI. I'm sure that some of you have heard this complaint from me before that the people out her in Phoenix are rude. I'm sorry, but it is not hard to smile at someone and say hi. And better yet smile at a girl, me, with a cute little white sundress, boobies galore, and fresh sun kissed make-up. Yes i looked hot. It was fun to be at the Diddy-inspired bash, but it did not have a great party love.You know, the love that when you walk into the party your like" oh this is going to be fun"No, this party was like " oh look they wore white too"  After being there for a couple of hours Poodle and i were ready to go and stuff our faces with Jack In The Box. Do we have one of those in Milwaukee???? OMG it is so good! Please someone help me research that, well maybe not. I think that the three tacos and fries that i had went straight to my thighs. The very thighs that are going to be gracing people with their presence pool-side this afternoon. I wonder if there is a drive-thru lipo place around here, if so i will take the number 4 hold the swelling.

Flight From hell.... to paradise

I am so glad to be blogging from the hot city of Phoenix. :-) I am finally here! It felt that i was never going to get here. For a short recap, the crap weather in Milwaukee was trying to ruin my Holiday. I was at the airport at 6 in the morning, on a stand-by ticket. The airport was packed, and i was told that there was no way that i was going to get out of Milwaukee. I told that lady that i had to get out and that i was going to try if it killed me. So as i am in the ginormous line at security, i was thinking of ways to play on fellow passengers sympathy so i can get on the damn plane. I was thinking of faking a death in the family but the last time i tried pulling that grandma move, mine did actually get sick, But she didn't die thank god! I know this was an evil thought of mine but seriously i have been working like a crazy person and just needed my Poodle time. If you have not met Poodle you would love him!!!!! So back to the airport mess. all the flights from the night before did not go out due to weather and we did not yet even have a plane to board even if the weather was good enough to leave! Nightmare! So, you all know how random people start to tell their life stories? Yeah i had one right next to me also on stand-by waiting with her two kids. She told me how her gay cousin died and that she is on the way out to see his lover, blah blah blah. Then she goes on to tell me how she is broke and her kids are hungry and that she is thirsty but cant afford anything, that she has no money in the bank.... CA CHING!!!! light bulb! Being the good Samaritan that i am i gave her $10 to feed her and er overly feed kids!(side note: i know its mean but to be honest i think she may have been a little bit of a con-artist, and her kids could have lived for a few days of of themselves...if you know what i mean)  So she takes the money, gets them the the most unhealthy food that the airport could offer, and stuff their faces in front of me.( side note: if sure you could all figure out where i was going with this pay it forward moment... this was my good karma chance to get on that damn plane) After being at the airport at 6 there was finally a plane for the people who had tickets to board at 1:00.  Ugh! i have been waiting for 7 hours in the germ infested terminal i was going to lose it. Then i realized as the last rows were boarding and i was not getting on this plane, i had to pee. I went came back out and they asked what my name was, i was ON!!!!!!! OMG!!! i couldn't believe it! It felt like a cross between winning the lottery and getting called down to be a contestant on the Price IS Right. So i am here, and i am getting tan! But i do miss all of you...