Let me be your ROCK OF LOVE...

So i have to admit that i have a very sick fascination with watching Brett Michaels rock of love. It's like a bad car wreck that you cant turn your head from. I get so involved that i find myself torn between picking the Crazy stripper that is so drunk she cant talk or the girl that is clinically nuts and always cries. I love it all. Bu the funniest thing is all of these women are fighting over a guy who spends more time on his hair and make-up than they themselves do. I think that i watch it mostly because it makes me feel better... How would it not make you feel better these girls are such rats that they make Brittany look good.

What's my type?

So i was having a great convo with my wonderful new friend heartland. She is fabulous! As we were talking about our new found singledom, the questions was asked. What's your type of guy? Well ladies let me tell you... i have no effing idea! I have dated all types, and none have yet to steal my heart and keep it forever.

I've dated all kinds... Ok so there was the construction worker (total meat head, huge biceps,mmm), The Foreign Guy from Moracco, i met him out in the clubs one night. he was so charming then said if i wanted to be his girl, i had to stop going out and make him dinner everynight.. ha ha ha, the only good that came out of him, was he introduced me to Sapphire and tonics. I could go for one of those now, rehashing is such and tedious task. Oh there was the latin lova, oooh he was so sexy when we danced. then he turned out to be too emotional. DRAG! The gay straight guy, i met him at the gay bar. he claims hes not gay, and he also never put the moves on me either...There was Big, the New yorker, still a sore subject. i will always have a place in my heart for him...or maybe just the city. Who knows, but i had some great times with him. Somewhere in the mix of all these guys were A bartender or two, The single dad, The sugar daddy, ok Sugar daddies..., the real estate guru who loved to get me drunk, The out of state business man, Oh the soccer coach, he was weird... And this brings me to the recent...

The crazy Italian, whom i dated for a year, he was completely irrational, bad in bed, and screwed with my head. Im still trying to piece myself back together after i dumped his stupid ass. Then the Smoker, No comment due to mutual friends... Then Baird, i did talk earlier this week about a recent sighting of him with the ugly girl. I chalk that breakup to that fact that he was recently divorced, and im too much woman for him, not to mention his love for country music. Yikes! Which brings us to the DOCTOR. He is in China now. He has not yet moved down to the brew city. When he is moved and ready i will state my case of him, verdict is still out, but i like him. He is a good guy.

Now looking back on all those guys... it looks to be that my type is breathing and walking. Hmmm... I may have not found Mr. Right, but i sure have had some fun! I guess it just comes down to this, I'm not going to look anymore, if it happens it happens, I've got my ladies to keep me company... So I purpose a toast! To my ladies, single or taken, No men will get us down, they are not worth it, We are too hot and spend too much money on our over priced make-up to let it run down our face! Ohh the best water proof mascara is Dior...

Bullshit and more Bullshit

This rant is in loo of the numerous political forwards that i have been receiving... Now for one ,I do not feel that i have to sit here and defend what political party i support. that is not the purpose of this. The purpose of my blog today is to inform you all of my recent annoyence of the whole presidential race. Now it is bad enough to have to walk around constantly seeing hateful bumper stickers or signs on that back of cars, cars of which are normally rusted out, have every single belonging they own in the back seat and stuck next to that political sticker is another sticker of a pot leaf. (side note i dont mind bumper stickers, only if they really make me laugh). Also the politics are smeared on the tv. So all im doing is minding my own business watching E! true hollywood story of brittany's meltdown, and suddenly What the F@!&... the presidential candidates come on tv ranting and raving about our countries problems that i have no idea what they are talking about, and worse it is on every channel...i cant escape it... its like hall and oats the night of the bride's party... :-) tee hee hee... And now i feel it has gone too far, Sundance is my witness. My email. I love checking my email. I love seeing what my ladies have to tell me, or gossip about, my shopping updates, and i guess work stuff . It is my fun place to just be. But now i have what i call Nutty forwards coming in from people i dont know gettting on a soapbox about their political thoughts that really arent their own. They just stole what the guy on cnn (the one with the rug on his head) says and claim it as their own. Now dont get me wrong we are all passionate about something. For me politics is not it. If i want to solicit your opinion about subjects i will. But for now, please note i wish my email to be open to funny stuff, neiman marcus posts, daily gossip, and hot naked men pictures. I will now step down...

Special note, George Bush believes gay marriage should be between and man and a woman.
That is funny...

Back in Action

I am happy to announce that after a long week and a half my BFF's friendship is no longer MIA. Its a good day... even though i stepped in dog poo earlier, and had to stop myself from smearing it on the dog's parents car. I hate stepping in poop. You can't get that smell out of your nose for days...Sick

LuLu's sighting

There I was... eating lunch with my sister at Lulus, when Wham!!!!! I had my first ex sighting. It was Baird, the Stock Analyst, who freaked out and ended our sweet couple of months just days before my birthday. He walked right past our table, with a bad hair cut. Now i am not sure if he saw me. When we had our short affair i was a bubbly blonde, now i am a buxum brunette. He sat two tables down from us, facing me. I know what all of you are thinking... Who was he with??? Oooohh it was not pretty. Literally. Normally, and all my ladies can back me up on this, I am NOT a woman basher. If a girl is hot i will let her know. This girl was UGLY... im not the only to think so. Moxie said it too with a wrinkled nose saying " eewww did you see her... gross". That did make me feel better. Truthfully i cant sit here and tell you that i was completly ok with seeing him with another girl, but what could i do about it. If he wants to date ugly girls and subject himself to public mockery...be my guest. After the week from hell, a run in from the guest, and now the ex sighting, i had to think to myself, is GOD punishing me??...All i have to say is Some Day My Prince Will Come

Valentines Smalentines....

I wish you all a Very Happy Valentines day! As we all know this day is intended for couples to bask in their love, and to make single people feel really really sorry for themselves. Most interesting to me, is the forms in which we try to show our love.There are the over priced almost dead roses, hallmark cards with sleezy porn inuendos, and my favorite, the singing stuffed animal, that belts out lyrics such as "wild thing" or "only you". I dont mean to be a V-day hater by any means, however my surroundings make it difficult. There is the fact of being single, that never helps. I do think that the holiday is sweet in theory. I like to hand out Valentines to friends and families, bake yummy goodies, or enjoy a nice dinner in or out of the house. I do not like the lady in the grocery store commenting on extensive amounts of chocolate, strawberries, or any other valentine parafinalia. I hate her assumtions of " aww this is sure sweet what you are going to be making and giving to your valentine" in which i have to reply "actually it is all for me as i sit my ass on the couch alone with my animals and have a fat fest". That does shut them up quickly. Dont get me wrong i am not anti holiday, i am anti peoples stupid pitty filled comments, for 1.being single or 2. having not received anything sweet on this day. Please note, that i was in a relationship during this lovely holiday once. I made a nice dinner for the guy, bought a sexy lil number to wear, all beliveing it would be a great evening. however my so called "sexy" number only instigated him to call me a whore. needless to say this holiday has not been easy on me. So i wil leave you with this. I am at home, alone, i did enjoy and nice dinner, alone, and i am eating cookies and truffles that i made, alone. But unlike most people i am ok with this. I would rather be alone, than in a bad relationship faking my way through the day. Rock on single sistas! (And if you are wonering if i have been drinking, the answer is yes...)

S*%t Storm

Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your gonna get, and i always seem to get the shity fruity cream gross things. I know it is not much but until i have something good to say, i wont say anything at all. It is days like this that i wish i was little again. oh by the way, the book The Kite Runner is really good.

Next door Asshole

Shock and aww... that is my first response... So yes, in continuation of this annoying dump of snow, i was going to get off the luxurious shoft and warm couch to help out the frat boy neighbor outside. It is 11:30 and the dumbass cant get his car out...duh! So of course i do pride myself on being the secret neighborhood watch. i know all. I see all. Thats right, i totally know what is going on outside. So back to the story. He is trying to get his car out. Now i have been watching this and hearing this going on for about ah 15-20 mins. And i must add, at first he didnt even try to shovel the snow around the tires. So being the nice neighbor that I am, I am nice, just ask i bake cookies. So i change out of my cozy pjs and i put on my snow gear. i then proceed outside, and say" hey you need some help?" And you know what his wonderful fratboy response was... as he paces up and down the side of is car all pissed off, and at this point i know he is. I saw him trying to call his friends with no response. He dosent even look at me and says "NO"! So being nice i then respond are you sure i dont mind. He then proceeds to scoff me off and says "i'd rather Dave helps me... What a buttface. I mean come on. Really you have to be so rude when i offer you help. Well i have learned my lesson. No more Mr. Nice Guy from me. Oh and yes these are the same boys, i repeat boys, because men would not have acted like this that, 1. that had stupid underage girls insult our beautiful friend the bride,(ahhh such a great story...) 2. tried to steal my dog and C. wouldnt return my cute pink cork screw after new years until i wrote them a letter asking for it back. Dicks....

Snowed in

Hey all! i wish that i could have gotten to blog to you sooner, but it is difficult when the power goes out! So my days exciment was spending 45 mins, to move my car from one side of the street to the other. It is days like this that i sit and ask myself; "Why do i live in Wisconsin?" Really i dont get it somethimes, having winters like this is like getting sucker punched at a dirty old bar, by the fat girl. i hate it! But anyways, I had a wonderful fat tuesday last night. The clan gathered and we noshed on Jambalaya, corn bread and a fab salad. The jambalaya proved to be so good that it put our little columbian princess and myself in a food coma... The only other news is the new Jack Johnson album is out. it is amazing! check it out if you woud like some new tunes for your listening pleaure. Oh and Ladies, we need a night out... i am craving a dirty,dirty martini....

LOL...

Well ladies and gents, there has been a recent tragedy. Im not talking about Heath Ledger,bless his heart, may he rest in peace. No it is worse! It comes in the form of Heidi Montags new "Music Video"... I would put this video up there with tragedies such as 911, Katrina, and the birth of our enemies. Yes it is THAT bad. Actually entertaining as well. It took me a bit to compose myself after my horrific fit of laughter. After having a rough couple of days, i just watched and thought, "oh dear god, i could be her"! The video is a true sign of just how delusional love and an idiot for a boyfriend can make you. Unfortunately for her she has no friends, If she did they would not have let her release that! Also they would not let her do her "sexy walk" on the red carpet, because people like me are forced to imitate her in public bars. uh umm(Special note to the bride and sundance, i do it just for you!) So if we could all take the time and bow our heads and pray that 1. Heidi will not make anymore music videos. B. Hope that the editor at Maxim Mag was just playing and early April fools joke on us when he put her " sexy" half naked pics in the latest issue. And 3. She gets rid of that idiot boyfriend that convinced her that the music video would be a hit. If anything folks, this has been a great learning experience. We must cherish our friends and family, and hope to never lose them. If you do like in Heidi's case, you will have to surround yourself with a false feeling of fabulousness. She sucks, but she makes me laugh! To my ladies, you are always and forever FABULOUS!

Must have balance

I consider myself a true Libra. We have many great qualities such as, active, sociable, easygoing, polished, and very well liked. Our symbol is the scales, signifying balance, equilibrium, order and justice. How fitting, we libras must always have balance. Lately this has been an issue. In search for balance i have taken time the last few days to figure out what will make me happy and how i can move forward towards a much more balanced life. This is where my sounding board of friends have come in. I have had opportunities come to me in the last few weeks that i could not make a decision about. This has grown to be trying on my part. I want to make decisons, but i just cant. So today I am happy to declare, that i have made a big leap. I have made the necissary decisions in my life to more forward and to become more succesful. (Thanks poodle!) This has not been and easy thing to do. Why is it so hard to make up my mind, even when i know that it would be a great and positive thing? I know i am not the only one to struggle with this. I find that in most cases we ourselves are the only ones keeping us from doing the things that we want to do and most important, things that make us happy. So i say enough! stop the inner struggle and do what we think is best. By making this desicsion i know that the rest of my life will just fall into place... Well i hope... On that note i must leave you with this one question. Are you really making decisons to make yourself happy, or are you still putting others before you?

cupcakes.... and dog dicks

If all the world could eat cupcakes, i know that it would be a much better place. I think that cupcakes a the cure-all. For some reason when i eat them, i cant stop smiling! It is an instant state of bliss. So when i diei want to come back as a cupcake. I would be a cherry chip cupcake with pink cherry flavored frosting...yummy. I baked about about 3 dozen cupcakes today... i smell of batter, my hair is full of flour, and i have frosting on my feet... dont ask i dont know how it got there either. Now down to business... i had the most crazy thing happen to me today. I was taking care of the neighbors dog. oh is he sweet! and oh so horny... Dare i say this online, but my little sweet pea princess poquita got her "boyfriend" a little excited. I have never seen a dog peener that huge in my life, his "lipstick" was out in serious full force. It was so shocking i had to go back to the neighbors house and tell her that i think i broke her dogs dick. It reminded me of this time that i saw a horse porn on the discovery channel, when the horse got all excited and i got scared. But the good news is our little furry friend is back from his state of blue balls, and lookin for some more action. On a side note, that was super creepy. I am so glad that that is not what happens in real life for men... the very thought of it gives me shivers. By the way, the little boy is a black poodle. I could tell that in his head he was saying "once you go black you never go back!"