Shout out For Cubby's

I just had a Chubby's Buffalo Chicken Cheese steak for lunch. It was Fantastic! Super tasty. The delivery guy was really nice too. The only downside is that it was a bit sloppy. currently i have cheese steak in my hair, down my boobs, and all over my pants, but it was worth it! However, I'm not sure if i will be ordering them anymore. When i stood up to throw away the wrapper, all was good till i sat down again and i blew out the ass out of my pants. Shit. I am at work..... Apparently Chubby's is a literal meaning.... Clearly it goes straight to my ass.

Its a Girl!

I am sooo excited for you all to meet Betty Newman. She is so stinking cute i can barely stand it. She has the cute little puppy belly and soft puppy ears... oooooh i just could squeeze her till she pops! ( note to the bride and groom... i wont actually do it) She really looks like a little Betty. Now my props go out to the bride and groom for taking on this new adventure. There will be many sleepless nights and guilt trips ahead, but i know you will be fantastic parents. And as for Betty, ooooooo wait till she gets a hold of a really nice expensive pair of your shoes... oh she isn't so cute the day that happens. When my sweet little Poquita decided to take a pair of my shoes for her chew toy, ugh i was so pissed you could have seen the steam come from my ears like a cartoon character. Oh it will happen. Just you wait and see...

And yes if any of you are asking i have already been scolded by the groom about trying to buy Lil' Betty a nice new dress :-( I will have to spoil her in other ways... hmmmm

icky

My boobs keep sweating... They wont stop. It is so creepy. I hate that i am here at the Shoe store and i have stinky sweaty boobs. Gross. Gross

Dog Stealer!

First i have to say that i am really disgusted in the human race that they think it is OK to steal people dogs. OK here is the deal-io... I am at work. I am sure that i have told you about the lady that owns the store upstairs right? well if not she is a whack job!!!! She seriously is ridiculous. She has a rap sheet that is getting longer by the minute. Already on the list is public drunkenness, Indecent exposure,(by that i mean she wear these asinine outfits that a. doesn't keep her old lady flab in place. and 2. she thinks that it is OK to wear a wrap bra top and sheer see-through skirt out in public, which by the way even makes the firemen across the street cringe). let she where was i? Oh yes the rap sheet. She purposely grabbed her crotch in front of me saying that she "needs some meat right her" (barf) She calls Poquita TITA'S in this obnoxious baby voice. WTF My dog hates her, Poquita always runs from her! Oh and not to mention that i think she is a craig's list hooker. Yes i said it. A CRAIG'S LIST HOOKER. Oh and i have mild proof. She owns a clothing store that the cloths disintegrate in the sun. Men in BMWS, AUDIS, Mercedes stop and go up there. And they ain't leaving with shopping bags, so dont think for a second that they are "shopping for their wives". She is a complete nut job, which brings me to my whole reason for today's rant. SHE TRIED TO STEAL MY DOG!!!!!! This is the second time that my dog has been taken, but your damn right i wont let that shit happen. So Poquita was out in front of the store getting her morning sun minding her own business when the CH (craigslist hooker) opened her store. she was out in front trying to pick her up and kiss her ( note to self :give Poqutia a bath when i get home). She has yet another new employee there working for her that Poquita liked. So they are cooing over my little girl, then they went upstairs. i saw they left so i went back out in front and Poquita was gone. SUDDEN PANIC!!!!!! i called for her and looked back inside, not there. BING! light bulb! I went upstairs. there she was! Bitch tried to take my dog! She was like " oh! well she must have followed me up here." Liar! My dog hates her. Now i Hate her! All i can say is Karma.... Poquita is back safe in her cozy little bed in the window, but smells slightly of cheep perfume.

Thank You Jesus!

I found Carpell. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Can you even believe it??? I kept thinking that after i found Shoe, it must be a sign tat he is out there. So here's the story. I was driving past this abandoned house that is behind my building, and i saw a cat in the window. Instantly my heart was racing, and i knew it was Carpell. So he saw me, jumped down from the window and started to meow like crazy by the door. Needless to say i could not start my rescue just yet. I was already late to pick up, the Colombian Princess and her old man from the airport. So i raced to go get the, dropped them off and went back to the house with the help of Carpells favorite auntie Rocker Girl. Now let it be known that Rocker Girl is a life saver. she would have done anything to get him out of that house. So to make a long story short, it took 3 hours, with the help of 3 lesbians, 1 drunk gay guy, a random drunk hairy man, and 2 Police Sgts' to get Carpell out. The Sgts busted the door down with what they call "the key to the city" meaning a huge heavy metal push bar. I can't be more happy he is home safe, and on his way to getting back to normal. the poor little guy is completely malnourished. It is sad to see but he will get better by the day. The funny thing is Poquita is ignoring him, I think that she is a little peeved that she has to share the attention again. Welcome Home Carpell! And thank you to all of you that comforted me and stayed positive! That is my happy ending...

BTW

I am back on the man diet. There will be no-more soliciting of the fireman. :-( Sad but better. I just don't want to keep waisting my time on men who don't know what they want. Now having said that, i know what i want. Dirty Martini extra olives.

SoapBox

Please let it be known, that i no longer have tolerance for assholes. None. I have lived my life up until this point naive to the fact that if i stand up for myself or others that i will get nowhere. Wrong-o. Look out everyone! I will no longer let myself or my friends be talked to in a less than respectful manor. Now i do have to admit that i was not in a situation like this today, yet. But i am just so irritated when i have to hear that an asshole was unnecessarily rude to a friend of mine. it makes so so mad i could turn into the hulk(minus the bad cut off jeans). Example: our dear friend the bride has had quite the bought with assholes lately. First she has to deal with the douche-bag DJ for her wedding, and now co-workers. FYI bride, i hate them both. i need their names! There is no reason that people need to be so mean. I now hate those people. I am going to start to list the people on my blog that are mean by their actual name. That will show them! Then if i am eager enough i might just write them a letter. I got that master plan from my mom while growing up. She would be so mad about some things that she would yell " I'm going to write them a letter!" At which point i would laugh because verbally accosting someone in a letter is not nearly as effective as it is saying your thoughts to their face, or is it? Either way i hate that on a daily basis i or people i love and care about have to deal with truly toxic people! It sucks! If this situation happens to arise during your day today, please take the time to look in the mirror and say " I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it people like me!" SNL can always help shed a little light on a bad moment. Remember it can always be worse, you could be Brittany Spears or that lady in Kentucky that got her ass stuck to a toilet seat after sitting on it for 2 months.

Good Bye Shoe...

Shoe just ran-away. Dammit. I suck with cats.

I've got "the Jet lag"

First off i want you to know that i am glad to be home. Second, when i left Phoenix it was 106 degrees. Now as i look at the temp here in flood city it is 60. To me this translates into cold as shit. I want at least 75 degrees or i am leaving. Next issue. I am struggling with this time change. When i had to wake up at 6:30 this morning to be at work by 7, it was actually 4:30 Phoenix time. I'm tired, which brings me to this. So as i am working, just now. Literally just now this all happened, i was hearing a cat meow. Now, i was not sure if i was the only one to hear it, or if i was going crazy from jet lag. Well, as the meowing did not stop, i started to look around. I went straight to the basement door. Out popped a cat!!!! Can you believe it???? This is just crazy! I'm scared to open the door again. What if an elephant pops out? I don't keep peanuts on hand so it would get pretty hungry. Needless to say the cat is cute, and very friendly. I think it may be prego too. i have named her Shoe. She will keep me company today, but i am trying to help her find her way home by 7 tonight. I hope she sends out her little cat calls in the mean time to Carpell to tell him to come home to me. WAIT! Maybe i will open the basement door again to see what comes out. Now that i think of it. i am going to send out vibes to the universe that i want a tall dark and handsome man... very Weird Science of me. But let it be known that i will not open the basement door with my bra on my head, it would be like wearing a huge turban! And thankfully i don't have a brother named Chet.

White Party

Last night Poodle and i went to a White Party. Fun! But, yes there is always a but. The house was fabulous, huge white tents, a DJ, plenty of beverages, but. Now i don't know if any of you have been to Phoenix or lived her, but the people are VERY different from that in the Mid-West. I could not have paid people money to have wanted to talk to us, or even say HI. I'm sure that some of you have heard this complaint from me before that the people out her in Phoenix are rude. I'm sorry, but it is not hard to smile at someone and say hi. And better yet smile at a girl, me, with a cute little white sundress, boobies galore, and fresh sun kissed make-up. Yes i looked hot. It was fun to be at the Diddy-inspired bash, but it did not have a great party love.You know, the love that when you walk into the party your like" oh this is going to be fun"No, this party was like " oh look they wore white too"  After being there for a couple of hours Poodle and i were ready to go and stuff our faces with Jack In The Box. Do we have one of those in Milwaukee???? OMG it is so good! Please someone help me research that, well maybe not. I think that the three tacos and fries that i had went straight to my thighs. The very thighs that are going to be gracing people with their presence pool-side this afternoon. I wonder if there is a drive-thru lipo place around here, if so i will take the number 4 hold the swelling.

Flight From hell.... to paradise

I am so glad to be blogging from the hot city of Phoenix. :-) I am finally here! It felt that i was never going to get here. For a short recap, the crap weather in Milwaukee was trying to ruin my Holiday. I was at the airport at 6 in the morning, on a stand-by ticket. The airport was packed, and i was told that there was no way that i was going to get out of Milwaukee. I told that lady that i had to get out and that i was going to try if it killed me. So as i am in the ginormous line at security, i was thinking of ways to play on fellow passengers sympathy so i can get on the damn plane. I was thinking of faking a death in the family but the last time i tried pulling that grandma move, mine did actually get sick, But she didn't die thank god! I know this was an evil thought of mine but seriously i have been working like a crazy person and just needed my Poodle time. If you have not met Poodle you would love him!!!!! So back to the airport mess. all the flights from the night before did not go out due to weather and we did not yet even have a plane to board even if the weather was good enough to leave! Nightmare! So, you all know how random people start to tell their life stories? Yeah i had one right next to me also on stand-by waiting with her two kids. She told me how her gay cousin died and that she is on the way out to see his lover, blah blah blah. Then she goes on to tell me how she is broke and her kids are hungry and that she is thirsty but cant afford anything, that she has no money in the bank.... CA CHING!!!! light bulb! Being the good Samaritan that i am i gave her $10 to feed her and er overly feed kids!(side note: i know its mean but to be honest i think she may have been a little bit of a con-artist, and her kids could have lived for a few days of of themselves...if you know what i mean)  So she takes the money, gets them the the most unhealthy food that the airport could offer, and stuff their faces in front of me.( side note: if sure you could all figure out where i was going with this pay it forward moment... this was my good karma chance to get on that damn plane) After being at the airport at 6 there was finally a plane for the people who had tickets to board at 1:00.  Ugh! i have been waiting for 7 hours in the germ infested terminal i was going to lose it. Then i realized as the last rows were boarding and i was not getting on this plane, i had to pee. I went came back out and they asked what my name was, i was ON!!!!!!! OMG!!! i couldn't believe it! It felt like a cross between winning the lottery and getting called down to be a contestant on the Price IS Right. So i am here, and i am getting tan! But i do miss all of you...

Insight or Insult?

While getting my brows and make-up done this morning my friend M'Cherie and i got on the subject of dating. Now Many of you don't know her but to know her is to love her. She is hilarious and a professional dater,and not to mention beautiful. Seriously, this girl has dates everyday of the week, sometimes two different dates in one day! She really knows how to put herself out there. Which comes to my question. How do you know where is the right place to put yourself out there? She puts herself online. We both do agree that it is impossible to find a guy in the bars. Well, it is not hard to find a guy for the evening of "coloring" at the bars, but both of us, her more than i really wants to find a guy for a serious relationship. Which brought her to saying that, i am good looking and sweet, and that i am boisterous, so it takes a certain guy to approach me. So i bring you this:

Boisterous:
bois-ter-ous: rough and noisy, noisily jolly or rowdy; clamorous; unrestrained; rough and massive.

Synonyms:
uproarious, obstreperous, roistering, loud, vociferous, impetuous. 1, 2. tempestuous, tumultuous, turbulent, violent, wild.

Shit. I'm screwed, and single. I do understand that her comment was not meant to be an insult, nor did i take it as one at the time, or now. But really? Now i get that i get a little loud and i can be a little uproarious. But come on, unrestrained and massive. Now that's just mean. See if i go to dictionary.com again. Well that's just perfect! I don't intend to change, nor should i. I come to believe that my ladies love me the way i am, but will a man ever? Ever? Shit. She suggested that i come over one night and view her online profile on her dating sight, to see how innocent it is... I just don't know. I just don't think that i am ready for all that. Don't get me wrong i do want to meet a guy, but isn't that for people who are REALLY looking for a relationship. Yes, dating someone would be great, but i just am not sure i am ready to dive in feet first to the whole online love scene. I might test the water with my toe, and look at her profile. But that is as far as i am willing to go for now. All I'm sayin', is that it would be nice to go on a date once and a while...

You must make an appointment...

yes, i was asked by my best friend today if she needed to make an appointment to see me. :-( I feel terrible. So, i wanted to apologize to all of my ladies for being so busy and unable to give you my UN-divided attention. I would have to say that in my defense that the over working is good for the pocket book, but is running thin on my nerves. i have barely had time to shower. For those of you making wise cracks in your head right about now, i have been showering, just not the supper long "god what a great shower" shower. I cant wine about not doing anything fun though, i did go to the Brewers game last night. Great game! I can't wait for Thursday. it will begin y holiday in Phoenix! Well, i have a ticket on stand-by, so lets hope i get on the plane. That would truly suck big nuts if i didn't get out Thursday morning. Only positive thinking... what else is new? OMG!!!! how could i not have told you. OK, so i woke up Sunday morning to find that i had been texted to during the night. It was no-one other than THE SMOKER. He was saying how he was hanging out with a neighbor of mine. Whom ended up after numerous texts to him saying he was childish because he kept saying " if i told you I'd have to kill you thing", it was the groom. I hope that made sense. Anyways, he then goes on to say that he really liked the groom and would like him and i to go out to dinner with the bride and groom. Yeah, like a double date. What the F is he thinking? I don't get him, one day he is trying to plan my future and the next he is a nutbag. Please Please i would just like to meet a nice, normal, unselfish,well groomed, nice dressing man. I don't think that's too much to ask for. A guy that won't screw with my head would be a breath of fresh air. This post is very random i know, i have add today. it is hard enough for me to put sentences together...

Fabulous!

Let me start by saying how completely fabulous The SATC Movie was! I still can't stop thinking or talking about it. I loved it! very single stinking moment of it! I scoff at the people who said that it was too long and did not stay exciting. F-you! It was perfect it was SATC. i think that the people who were a little too quick to judge has not put in the time and effort that the rest of us has to watch all of the episodes over and over again so we can use them as dating advice against our lovable friends! A little shout out to the Bride for hosting our pre- party, and to the groom. your cosmos were FABULOUS!!!! You can make me more martinis anytime, well, as long as the bride is there. If she wasn't that would be weird. I give the movie two martinis up! Cheers!

Note: Does anyone want to go see the movie again with me... I'm addicted! But it will ave to wait until i get back from Phoenix...