Shout out For Cubby's

I just had a Chubby's Buffalo Chicken Cheese steak for lunch. It was Fantastic! Super tasty. The delivery guy was really nice too. The only downside is that it was a bit sloppy. currently i have cheese steak in my hair, down my boobs, and all over my pants, but it was worth it! However, I'm not sure if i will be ordering them anymore. When i stood up to throw away the wrapper, all was good till i sat down again and i blew out the ass out of my pants. Shit. I am at work..... Apparently Chubby's is a literal meaning.... Clearly it goes straight to my ass.

Its a Girl!

I am sooo excited for you all to meet Betty Newman. She is so stinking cute i can barely stand it. She has the cute little puppy belly and soft puppy ears... oooooh i just could squeeze her till she pops! ( note to the bride and groom... i wont actually do it) She really looks like a little Betty. Now my props go out to the bride and groom for taking on this new adventure. There will be many sleepless nights and guilt trips ahead, but i know you will be fantastic parents. And as for Betty, ooooooo wait till she gets a hold of a really nice expensive pair of your shoes... oh she isn't so cute the day that happens. When my sweet little Poquita decided to take a pair of my shoes for her chew toy, ugh i was so pissed you could have seen the steam come from my ears like a cartoon character. Oh it will happen. Just you wait and see...

And yes if any of you are asking i have already been scolded by the groom about trying to buy Lil' Betty a nice new dress :-( I will have to spoil her in other ways... hmmmm

icky

My boobs keep sweating... They wont stop. It is so creepy. I hate that i am here at the Shoe store and i have stinky sweaty boobs. Gross. Gross

Dog Stealer!

First i have to say that i am really disgusted in the human race that they think it is OK to steal people dogs. OK here is the deal-io... I am at work. I am sure that i have told you about the lady that owns the store upstairs right? well if not she is a whack job!!!! She seriously is ridiculous. She has a rap sheet that is getting longer by the minute. Already on the list is public drunkenness, Indecent exposure,(by that i mean she wear these asinine outfits that a. doesn't keep her old lady flab in place. and 2. she thinks that it is OK to wear a wrap bra top and sheer see-through skirt out in public, which by the way even makes the firemen across the street cringe). let she where was i? Oh yes the rap sheet. She purposely grabbed her crotch in front of me saying that she "needs some meat right her" (barf) She calls Poquita TITA'S in this obnoxious baby voice. WTF My dog hates her, Poquita always runs from her! Oh and not to mention that i think she is a craig's list hooker. Yes i said it. A CRAIG'S LIST HOOKER. Oh and i have mild proof. She owns a clothing store that the cloths disintegrate in the sun. Men in BMWS, AUDIS, Mercedes stop and go up there. And they ain't leaving with shopping bags, so dont think for a second that they are "shopping for their wives". She is a complete nut job, which brings me to my whole reason for today's rant. SHE TRIED TO STEAL MY DOG!!!!!! This is the second time that my dog has been taken, but your damn right i wont let that shit happen. So Poquita was out in front of the store getting her morning sun minding her own business when the CH (craigslist hooker) opened her store. she was out in front trying to pick her up and kiss her ( note to self :give Poqutia a bath when i get home). She has yet another new employee there working for her that Poquita liked. So they are cooing over my little girl, then they went upstairs. i saw they left so i went back out in front and Poquita was gone. SUDDEN PANIC!!!!!! i called for her and looked back inside, not there. BING! light bulb! I went upstairs. there she was! Bitch tried to take my dog! She was like " oh! well she must have followed me up here." Liar! My dog hates her. Now i Hate her! All i can say is Karma.... Poquita is back safe in her cozy little bed in the window, but smells slightly of cheep perfume.

Thank You Jesus!

I found Carpell. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Can you even believe it??? I kept thinking that after i found Shoe, it must be a sign tat he is out there. So here's the story. I was driving past this abandoned house that is behind my building, and i saw a cat in the window. Instantly my heart was racing, and i knew it was Carpell. So he saw me, jumped down from the window and started to meow like crazy by the door. Needless to say i could not start my rescue just yet. I was already late to pick up, the Colombian Princess and her old man from the airport. So i raced to go get the, dropped them off and went back to the house with the help of Carpells favorite auntie Rocker Girl. Now let it be known that Rocker Girl is a life saver. she would have done anything to get him out of that house. So to make a long story short, it took 3 hours, with the help of 3 lesbians, 1 drunk gay guy, a random drunk hairy man, and 2 Police Sgts' to get Carpell out. The Sgts busted the door down with what they call "the key to the city" meaning a huge heavy metal push bar. I can't be more happy he is home safe, and on his way to getting back to normal. the poor little guy is completely malnourished. It is sad to see but he will get better by the day. The funny thing is Poquita is ignoring him, I think that she is a little peeved that she has to share the attention again. Welcome Home Carpell! And thank you to all of you that comforted me and stayed positive! That is my happy ending...

BTW

I am back on the man diet. There will be no-more soliciting of the fireman. :-( Sad but better. I just don't want to keep waisting my time on men who don't know what they want. Now having said that, i know what i want. Dirty Martini extra olives.

SoapBox

Please let it be known, that i no longer have tolerance for assholes. None. I have lived my life up until this point naive to the fact that if i stand up for myself or others that i will get nowhere. Wrong-o. Look out everyone! I will no longer let myself or my friends be talked to in a less than respectful manor. Now i do have to admit that i was not in a situation like this today, yet. But i am just so irritated when i have to hear that an asshole was unnecessarily rude to a friend of mine. it makes so so mad i could turn into the hulk(minus the bad cut off jeans). Example: our dear friend the bride has had quite the bought with assholes lately. First she has to deal with the douche-bag DJ for her wedding, and now co-workers. FYI bride, i hate them both. i need their names! There is no reason that people need to be so mean. I now hate those people. I am going to start to list the people on my blog that are mean by their actual name. That will show them! Then if i am eager enough i might just write them a letter. I got that master plan from my mom while growing up. She would be so mad about some things that she would yell " I'm going to write them a letter!" At which point i would laugh because verbally accosting someone in a letter is not nearly as effective as it is saying your thoughts to their face, or is it? Either way i hate that on a daily basis i or people i love and care about have to deal with truly toxic people! It sucks! If this situation happens to arise during your day today, please take the time to look in the mirror and say " I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it people like me!" SNL can always help shed a little light on a bad moment. Remember it can always be worse, you could be Brittany Spears or that lady in Kentucky that got her ass stuck to a toilet seat after sitting on it for 2 months.